Dear friends,
Well, I have to say I’ve been trying to communicate with you for days now. I start off my letters to you – like now – then segue into some form of ugh in two shakes. I don’t do ‘ugh’. It’s way too unsettling. But it’s because my stomach isn’t handling my latest situation well. Neither is my head nor my heart. I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. I know, eh? This coming from the woman who believes there is no such thing as a mistake. It seems Houston has a problem. And the only solution I can come up with is that this Major Tom needs to start telling a new story.
Change is a bitch. Come on, let’s face it. No matter who you are, no matter how much you might want to do something different, take the road less travelled; no matter how convinced you are that you’re prepared for any and every eventuality, once you step off that cliff edge you’re freefalling and you’ve no real idea what will happen. You’ve no parachute; no net. You can hope you don’t crash and burn, but you’ve no way of knowing until you actually do make it to the bottom. In my case, I’m still freefalling but it feels more like I’ve hit the bottom, didn’t stick, and bounced. I recall the enthusiasm I mustered when heading to Ireland; the hope I held when travelling to a strange new town on Vancouver Island. This time, I feel like I’m just bouncing. And it’s making me sick. So, what of that fresh narrative?
Well, I guess I can start telling myself all is well. I can remind myself of my faith in the book (which still needs a lot of editing) and I can feel into the anticipation I have for its release. I can tap into some appreciation for having written it even though I don’t really feel any of it right now. I can reassure myself that I am exactly where I should be, doing exactly what I need to be doing despite feeling discouraged. And though I miss the privacy of the ‘home’ I had on the Island and miss the friends I made there, I can tell myself all is well. And lastly, I can remind myself that I chose this path and thought it was the best one for me at the time.
So, how do I feel now after telling myself something different? Not much better, but not quite as queasy. And that’s good enough for now.
My wish tonight is for the courage and creativity to tell a new story even when you don’t believe it. We’re good at telling ourselves all kinds of lies, aren’t we? Why not tell ourselves a different truth, one that’ll direct us toward our most silver lining. We know we’re feeling crappy and unsettled but focussing on unsettled and crappy will only bring on more of the same. I, for one, want settled and wonderful. I bet you want those, too.
Until tomorrow…
Zigzagging Toward Zen 
I’ve read that the worst kind of stress is that which happens when you feel victimized–helpless and out of control. That you see your choices as you’ve made them and are prepared to make more gives you calm and power. As the saying goes, when you can’t change your circumstances, change your attitude. Embrace the adventure (which is more easily said than done, naturally).
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This is a good reminder, S. Allowing myself to feel a victim is defeating. Gosh, all I have to do is think “I am a victim” and I feel helpless! But when I say “No, I have options. I am okay. No one is out to get me and I’m my best friend and resource” I feel empowered. Funnily, as I wrote the latter bit, I struggled because I don’t believe it. Still, I continued saying it and wrote it, anyway. And indeed, that’s the thought I was attempting to convey on the blog – a practice which breeds confidence. So in time I know I’ll embrace this adventure. Wonderful. A hurdle jumped, thanks to you! xx
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Get as much sleep as possible! I’ve always found good long sleep sessions to be a good way of dealing with new situations 😉 Travel, and especially moving, is exhausting. And one’s perspective on things is rarely good when sleep-deprived.
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Brilliant advice and my travelling kid would agree completely. Hey, by the way, did we ever talk about her? I can’t recall. Check FB etc. for M.J. Robertson. Her book is The Fearless Life Guide. 🙂 Apologies if we talked about this, but you mentioning sleep sparked it. And so indeed, it’s a good reminder. I need to chill and be patient with myself, too. Thanks, James.
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Hey Frances. No, we haven’t discussed the book – I hadn’t heard of it until now. I see that the editor is a certain Frances Sullivan – congrats! I’d loved to see a blog post on it 🙂
Good luck with adapting.
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Oh golly, I didn’t mention it for that! But also should blog about it. It would be a break from all my angst!! But yes, have a look and feel free to contact Molly (M.J.) and tell her about what you do. She’d love it and it fits perfectly with All To Love. 🙂
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