A little can mean a lot…

Peace handsToday I realized April 3rd looms large. Do you realize it’s been almost a year? Amazing as it seems, this all started almost 365 days ago. Wowzer! So much has happened, but Re-do 365 truly has been transformative. I’ve stayed true to my promise to post everyday – with the notable exception of two days recently. A guesstimate of the number of words I’ll have written when done is approximately 250,000. Part of the initial plan was to push myself to write, to become a better writer, and I am becoming that – a better writer. Another part of the plan was to search for solutions to issues, some of which have travelled with me since childhood. Presently, I am happy to report the work has paid off. I am morphing into a better version of moi. What a learning it’s been. And while there’s been some dillying and lots of dallying, mostly there’s been lots of progress. Okay, I’ve not lost all the weight I’d hoped to which is a blah, but it is coming off slowly. I am lighter in many, many ways. But enough of me for tonight. I’d like to chat about something else right now.

I don’t have TV so didn’t watch the Oscars. It’s heart breaking, but don’t cry for me, I’ll get my fill of replays on You Tube. Anywho, this is about Leo’s win. After almost a lifetime in the business, Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar. Cool. Now, I easily admit he’s not my fav actor, but he is one of my fav environmentalists and his passion and eloquence last night brought me to tears. Bravo! If you’ve not see him accepting his award and speaking out for Mother Earth, check it out. I say well done, hot actor man, well done.

So he didn’t need to do this on his special night, but he did with clarity and direction, not missing a thought. Right, he’s an actor. He gets paid the big bucks to memorize speeches. Perhaps he did that last night. Doesn’t matter. The point is he spoke in defence of this planet’s plight and I applaud him. And, he made me aware that I can do more to assist Mother Earth.

So I am wishing tonight for increased awareness and a little action. Each of us can relieve the pressure global warming is putting on our beautiful home. It would be slightly unfair to ask you all to consider vegetarianism. You must know that factory farming is not only cruel, but a major contributor to ozone depletion. Cannot give up meat? What else, then? There are so many little things. Google it. http://www.50waystohelp.com/ Take a few minutes and source out ways to make a difference. You’ll find just the right thing that will be easy for you and your family, and it will make everyone feel good because you’ll be helping this glorious planet. Let’s all intend it and take even a little step. It all matters.

Until tomorrow…

 

 

 

Go ahead, it’s okay…

Buddha heartPermission. What a beautiful word! You know all my chatter lately about being tired? Well, today I gave myself permission to just be tired. In an instant, I fell asleep and dozed on and off all day. In the early evening I started to feel better, livelier, and clearer of mind. Permission.

What I realized is this. When feeling anything on the lower end of things, it’s easy to resist that feeling. We fall into it for whatever reason, and the struggle begins. We wonder why, try to push ourselves to feel different, berate our tiredness, or headache, or another’s actions, or whatever is dragging us down. As a result, we begin building resistance to what is going on. So in my case, by giving myself permission to allow the tiredness, I opened the door to healing faster and to learning a few things, namely that resistance is just not helpful.

I learned something else, too. Of course we all know that feeling unwell is simply an imbalance. The kind of tired I’m feeling is not because of a physical issue but rather a spiritual, or psychic imbalance. Empaths understand this. I’ve been connecting with folks lately because I can and because I want to, but I am not grounded. I’m not balanced enough to be empathizing with others without hurting myself. But this problem is easily corrected. I simply need to meditate more and increase my yoga practice. How fun is that solution! Yay.

And with that, although I could wax on forever about this topic because I believe it is a fine one to discuss, I’ll end. It’s late. I must meditate and get to sleep before 10 o’clock. Why? I think it will help.

So I wish for the gifts that giving yourself permission can bring. Letting go is an important part of gaining awareness. When we hold on to the subtleties of resistance, we cannot let go of patterns of behaviour that repeat and repeat. This phenomenon of recurring behaviours can only begin to erode once we give ourselves permission to simply feel what we are feeling, fully aware that we will feel better when it passes. Who knows what lessons we will learn from giving ourselves permission to simply “be”?

Until tomorrow…

 

You just never know…

SmileGosh, I don’t know what to say tonight except that this tiredness has overtaken me – big time. I did get out in the fresh sea air and sun today hoping that would give me a boost. It not only did not, it’s left me feeling like a complete slug. A beautiful coastal walk with nary a hill had me working overtime! Mind it was a three hour, give or take, walk and the wind was cold, but really, it should have been a snap. Oh well, I’ll figure this out in time – I hope.

So when I got home I wanted to work on my project but couldn’t keep my eyes open. I dozed a bit until dinner which was a surprise of lovely curry from the restaurant across the street. It was scrumptious with an assortment of rice, korma, dal, and breads. Indian take-away has become comfort food for me over the years.

I did some more work after eating but am too tired to continue. Before starting the blog I turned on Philomena, the movie with Judi Dench and Steve Coogan. Its subject matter rattles me. How we humans hurt and go on to thrive. We’re amazing.

My wish tonight if for gentle gazes. I’ve a quick story to share – it’s true. Recently, I went to lunch with a friend. When walking up from the sea afterwards, I noticed a young man coming toward us. It seemed to me he had a lot on his mind. He looked at me but then away. I caught his gaze again, however, and smiled warmly at him. As we passed, I couldn’t know that he was a hairstylist and wanted to do my hair. I also couldn’t know he was indeed struggling and that my smile lightened his mood – made his day. How do I know all of this? He’s the fellow who does my daughter’s hair and I spent a good part of the day with him yesterday as he coloured and trimmed my hair. You just never know the changes a loving gaze or a happy glance can make. Believe it.

Until tomorrow…

Grateful…

Men In BlackToday was unexpected. It started with yoga and dissolved into further pampering. Ah, gotta love it. At the end of it I have a new “do” and liking it a lot. Feeling gooood!

I also squeezed in some work today, not on my website, but for a client’s project. Currently, I’m doing what I’ve done a fair bit of in the past – a sector research document. It’s fun. Did I ever mention that I write a ghost blog? Well, I did but that particular project is fini. There’s a good chance there will be more because this long-standing client has more blogs in the pipeline, but the plan was for twenty in a series and it’s done for the moment. Anywho, this is the kind of work I’m pitching for with my new website. I’m excited about the possibilities.

Tonight I’m watching MIB3. I like Will Smith and can’t think of any movie of his I’ve not liked. Years back he played opposite Gene Hackman in Enemy of the State. It’s still a favourite although I’m enjoying watching him tonight.

So I think I’ll go watch my movie and send off with wishes of gratitude, but of a particular kind. I’d like to ask each of you to thank your body for being such an amazing vessel. Thank your heart for its beats, your lungs for their breaths. Gratitude at the cellular level can alter DNA. My wish is that we begin to feed our bodies with the purest of intention – unbroken gratitude.

Until tomorrow…

 

 

To sunflowers and time-turners…

Van GoghI’ve spent a good part of the day working on my website. Funnily enough over the years I have worked on lots of others’ sites. Why have I not made one for meself until now? I’ve thought it’s likely got a lot to do with my well-honed if controversial strategy of procrastination. I’m wishy-washy about my skills and offerings, too. So, well, there you have it. No website. But this year of review has changed me and I’m happy now to be designing a fun site with which to extol my many virtues on. I’ll not drag it out, either. I’ll have something done by weekend or early next week. Kind of exciting.

So the last few days have been chilly and sunny here. Quite a change. The recent full moon and other significant changes in my everyday days might be taking a toll. Anywho, I’m quite exhausted. Really tired. And I’m not quite sure what to do about it. Sleep, I suppose. And perhaps actively getting things doing, like the website will lighten the tasks and remove some weight. It’s important sometimes to allow rest, though, although I do sit a great deal. And I know I’ve complained about being tired intermittently over the year. I wonder if it’s resistance of sorts. Ah, that might be it. I’ll need to think about that. A part from being weary, I feel great, limber and healthy. Just, well, tired. Duh. Lol.

Speaking of resistance, I’ve been breaking that down into bits lately, aware when it rises up in me and when it’s active. Desire for something is natural and we desire lots of things. Unfortunately we prevent the realization of our desires when we do not allow, which means, resist.

For many of you, this type of talk sounds new age-y, far from practical and the like. I get that. But I’m finding truth in the application of these principals of attracting and allowing. I see it in others as their lives become more fulfilling and issues resolve with greater ease. And I’m seeing it for me, too. Oh, and it’s not easy. It requires one perform their due diligence to a change of heart and mind. It requires trust, which is a perfect segue into wishing.

My wish tonight is for the courage to stop asking “how”? I might toss in “but”, too. When we were little dreaming of being something, we seldom asked how it would happen. We just wanted to be this, or that. There were plenty of adults around telling us we couldn’t, however, and a lot of us bought their story. But thankfully, others did not. Others like J.K. Rowling, Oprah, Winston Churchill and Van Gogh, followed their hearts. They did not ask “how” and stopped using “but” to preface a litany of excuses. They simply “did”. I mean seriously, Van Gogh sold one painting. It didn’t stop him from chasing his passion. I’m very grateful for I truly love his paintings. So come on, let’s believe in what we want and then go about our day trusting it will happen just as it is meant to. We really do not need to know “how” at all.

Until tomorrow…

Only the good words…

HeartPart of this year was about paying attention to words and their meanings. I hear differently than 10 months ago and am grateful for the words that ring in my ears now. Oddly, I’m certain the words are the same, but now they vibrate with the intention I place in my hearing – the intention to hear only the good words.

It’s not a trick. Intending works. I can put it in different ways, and often have these past months, but focussing on what you want to see or as in this case hear, changes what you see and hear. If I want to see gloom and doom, I will see that. If I want to see glorious sunsets and green rolling hills, that is what I’ll see. And while it’s easy to see green rolling hills in Devon, I could just as easily see nothing but grey storm clouds and rain because there’s plenty of that here, too.

Tonight I’ll cut this short for a couple of reasons the least of which is, I’m a bit weary. It was sunny here again today and I think it’s got me firing on too many neurons. In other words, the weather’s got me all fired up! Lol. But it’s all good and the sun is a lovely sight to see.

So I’m wishing for the sweet breathe that comes with spring. The air is scented with a glorious perfume once winter departs. The smell heralds new growth, rebirth, and change. It is the change intended by Mother Nature who reminds us that like the seasons, we have purpose. We can rest in the winter but will spring forth as the days grow longer, the sun warmer. It is the eternal ebb and flow of life. It’s easy to see but wait, easy to hear, too, in the tunes sung morning and evening by songbirds who serenade with only the good ‘words’.

Until tomorrow…

Determined to step…

FlyingHave you ever found yourself on the edge where you feel that the next step, the next minute or day will surely change your entire life in all your best imagined ways? Your heart pounds and you find yourself unable to sleep because of the anticipation and excitement building in your breast. You want nothing more than to ride the wave of momentum for whatever plan needs implementing next, or whatever desire seems about to manifest. Some might caution you, warn against what they perceive a rash decision or unrealistic expectation with phrases like, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is”. And you want to prove them wrong, but instead, you prove them right by stepping back from the edge and putting a stop to the momentum. Over time, you write a story which explains why it all went wrong and how it has caused you great sorrow. You spin it around and around with truth and fiction blended into a seamless tapestry of rationalizations.

I suppose many of us do that, either bits of it or all. I suppose we blame a set of circumstances or another person. We find a dozen reasons for stepping back. We get sick, we find an obligation that distracts us and on and on. Whatever we say, the real truth is that we are the only ones responsible. We decide to step away. Only us.

Today I felt the stirrings of those wonderful feelings I’ll call the blossoming of anticipation though for what, I cannot say. True, they are familiar feelings. I have had them often. What is also true is that I have quelled them often, too. Why? Fear. Simply fear. But I’m not afraid anymore.

One of my dearest friends and a treasured advisor reminded me today that balance is important. He is right. We should ensure our three brains are working harmoniously before we run to something. Yes, we have three – in our gut, heart and head. All three will keep us moving toward happiness when balanced. In time and with practice, we can learn to act as if by instinct when the heart calls us, though, for it is usually in the lead when it comes to a challenge. Oh dear. But our feelings will not lie. If we follow what ‘feels’ best, we are making the right decision. Logic may cause us to doubt, but if we feel deep within that we’ve something to do, we should do it. Just ask Tesla, Marie Curie, and Martin Luther King, et cetera. Sometimes following the crowd is not the best choice.

My wish tonight is for determination. Many times I faced the brightness of an opportunity and many times I closed my eyes to the light. But no more. There is much momentum and much can happen in a very short time if I but ride the energy of that momentum. There is great change afoot, big shifts occurring. Keep the faith. Buy some sunglasses if you need to, but do not close your eyes. And if you’re afraid, call a friend or ten. There are those ready to help. I am determined to follow my heart and be the change I want to see, determinedly. I know you are, too.

Until tomorrow…

 

 

Putting on my running shoes…

Today.jpgOh gosh my lovelies, I’ve broken my vow, let down my guard, failed in my quest. Big, big sigh. Last week I missed a post and while I was prepared to confess that sin on my birthday, because I did not meet my obligation again last night, two missing blogs seemed a wrong to great to let pass. However, where once I’d have chided myself mercilessly for such a faux pas, now I’m perfectly content to own up my negligence and move on with only another sigh.

You might be asking what could possibly have happened to stop me from my writing. Well, the first reason was a bizarre type of stubbornness, perhaps a test of sorts to see how I’d feel if I broke my promise. The second was far less interesting, or maybe far more depending on your point of view. Last night I went visiting a bit of a ways away. As the hours passed I found myself tired and made a conscientious decision to stay put. It was the right thing to do at the time.

I feel guilty for neither missed blog in spite of thinking I would. Une belle surprise! But I’d like to tell you about a few other things tonight. Things that keep repeating and things I’d like to stop repeating.

Many posts lately have discussed the back and forth feelings that keep erupting unsolicited. One night I wrote about a discussion between two characters and found it fun. They chatted about the struggle to stay strong despite fear. That tete a tete was a precursor for what I continue to work on, but I’m not sure I can describe my experiences very well. Suffice it to say, an overwhelming “feeling” that remains dark, scary, and sickening, sweeps over me still and often, and I am determined to figure it out and put it to rights. Period. These apparently random feelings are triggered – of that much I’m certain – by words, thoughts, or memories, but they are not consistent in their comings and goings so it is almost impossible to link them to something specific which means they are almost impossible to dispose of. At least for now, for I most certainly will dispose of them.

One last thought before tonight’s wish. It’s to do with time. I’ve frittered away a lot of mine wandering and dreaming, but mainly procrastinating. To continue wandering is fun. Dreaming is important. Procrastinating on the other hand is stupid. There’s no time like the present.

So I’m wishing for the glorious energy that comes from inspiration and curiousity, neither of which is mutually exclusive. Be inspired and feel enthusiasm pulse through you. Be curious and you will be driven. And while we cannot always find equal amounts of high driving energy, when we do we must capitalize on it. Do not let it go unused. That would be a waste and it’s called procrastination. Not a worthy practice. So, do not wait. Act on the moment. Be like Nike and just do it.

Until tomorrow…

 

Awed by the day…

FlowersSo, today was a great day. Okay, maybe not ‘great’. Let’s say it was good. Well, not ‘good’ exactly. Yeah. Today was…

Do you ever have one of those kind of days when for no apparent reason you just have to lie all day about your feelings, hiding behind a smile and happy platitudes? I did not have one of those days, but did have a day that brought with it the memory of those days. I’m not sure why, actually, but lately a lot of odd memories and icky thoughts are hanging around. It’s as if I’m two people suddenly. The happy me and the miserable me. Of course I much prefer the former.

When working on my degree I learned about binaries – spirit/matter, male/active, and female/passive – theory. It was fascinating to learn about the introduction of these philosophies and how we bought them, believing in those ideas so much that they informed teaching and practice at many levels of society. Gradually, over centuries, the concept that one was strong the other weak, one was good while the other bad, solidified into our very DNA. Prevalent still, this thinking, its language and constructs, remains divisive. Once deconstructed, harmony returns, however. But we need patience. We cannot necessarily change our very DNA with a finger snap.

I’m on about all of this because my mood of late reminds me of the whole right/wrong, black/white thinking. As I continue to peel away layers of unhealthy behaviour, I often have to stop and remind myself of my humanness and that while far from perfect, I’m not a lost soul either. In fact, I’m quite found.

Today was one of those, “I’m up for it!” days. I felt strong and decisive, inspired to blend the discordant into the dulcet tones of creative, luscious, transcendent thoughts. The music as it were, became sweeter with fewer grating tones as the day wore on. While I was encouraged by how I felt I couldn’t help but wonder if the 365 re-do has forced up stuff so deeply embedded that it is fighting like hell to hold on.

There is always a push back. It’s nature’s way. Critical theory refers to this phenomenon as backlash. We see it around us all the time and there are many examples of it throughout history. Sometimes it is quick and covert, other times radical and overt. Sometimes it involves a bit, other times, half the world as in the case of WW11, a backlash by then Hitler’s Germany to the loss of WW1. Anywho, when asking ourselves to take on change, to grow and expand our minds and bodies, we should expect some backlash. The trick is to stay our ground, keep meditating, keep breathing, and trust completely in the knowledge you will weather the storm and be better for it.

So I wish tonight for clear sailing and calm seas. When that backlash comes in whatever way it does in your life, with the gift of soft winds to guide you over smooth water, you can more clearly see how awesome you are. Hold on. Don’t give in to the ugly because when it passes – and it will – you’ll see even more beauty than you ever dreamed imaginable. And it will be inside you. It’s law.

Until tomorrow…