Dream a little dream…

Future buildingsNapoleon Hill said the imagination is the most inconceivably powerful force the world has ever known. While I believe Hill’s statement I can honestly say I’ve not paid it much mind, given it any deep consideration, until lately. Now, after turning it over a few dozen times in my mind and reviewing it from a few angles, I really wish I’d paid attention to it long ago.

Imagining is something I’ve always been good at. Most of my childhood was spent picturing a life other than the one I had. I dreamt of galloping my trusty steed across the plains, flying solo to exotic islands, being noticed by a Beatle. I saw myself all Joplin-like rocking out for countless adoring fans. In the movie in my head I was the leading lady; my hubris legendary. And I bet I’m not alone. I’ll hazard a wild guess that a lot of you grew up similarly. But is that what Hill was referring to? Actually, yes!

Long before Einstein became – uh – relative – ahem – he was curious about heavenly lights, distance, and movement. Da Vinci’s genius simply ‘knew’ his flying machines made sense. Do you remember the train tracks across the Alps story? Imaginings made manifest. Magnificent. Really, we’ve endless possibilities and they start with a dream.

So here’s the rub. Every time we engage our imaginations it must be for good. Think about it. That tool is bloody powerful, right? Inconceivably so, remember. If I imagine the cold I’m definitely going to get because there was a sneezy-coughing woman sitting behind me on the plane, guess what? Yep, it’s that simple and that easy. Sure, you might get the occasional cold because we are human after all, but over time, because you’re retraining your brain to see only good stuff, that’s what you’ll realize. And even when something kind of lousy, or downright awful happens, you’ll know the difference between ‘life’ and ‘crap’, seeking out the opportunity in the moment.

Just stay in your head in a place you want to be, doing what you want to do. Don’t go to worry-land or fear-village. Don’t do it! Don’t go to what-if park. Don’t even think about it. Nu-uh. Stay in Disneyland with Walt and all his dreams. Yep, he dreamt it all and what a legacy, eh?

Oh, and of course, you can’t really, actually, literally, stay in your head and manifest. But guess what, you’ll not want to! You’ll be too busy riding horses, flying planes, and talking to Mickey Mouse!

Today I wish for you the gift of surprise. What an awesome gift when, out of the blue, something you did not expect, had not asked for, appears. I received a surprise gift today and it brought me to tears, meant so very much to me, filling me to the brim with joy and gratitude. Thank you darling.

Over and out.

WatchersAfter an interesting day that offered a few new options to consider, tonight was just fun. Dinner was scrumptious and then, a play. Now those who know me well know I don’t hang out in theatres much anymore. When I do it’s usually on the invitation of another. I must admit, I seem to enjoy most plays I attend, though, and tonight was no exception. A one-act Pulitzer winner, the two actors of Talley’s Folly skilfully chat up and down and all around before getting to the point – love.

The dialogue I listened to this evening reminded me of the danger of secrets and hidden shame. How often do we push others away, run from an opportunity, or not ‘show-up’ because we assume we’re not loveable or that part of our history prevents us from being good enough, right enough, worthy? Probably, for most of us and certainly for me, a lot.

So here’s my wish for tonight and it’s a repeat of a recent one; communication. Communication can bring about magic. Speak your heart. Voice your love for another and share your shame. If that person turns away, they are shallow and they are not worthy. The person who is worthy will help you shed light on your struggles, and with their help you might release that shame. The honest, caring folks will hang with you, listen until your story is finished and you, spent. It’s then the magic can happen. Here’s to magic!

Over and out.

A miracle on the fifth day!

woman and booksOn May 23rd. I publicly declared a desire to make my living as a writer. Today I was asked to consider the role of ghost blogger for a local company with offices in several cities. Their only stipulation was would I please stay in London for a few months until this project gets its wings. After that, well, no worries because I can likely do this from anywhere. Okay then. I’ll need to think about it…for maybe a nanosecond!

I’ve been offered work with this firm before and turned it down. They keep coming back to me for minor projects, but this time, it’s simply writing. The pay rate is high, the hours low, encouraging me to get back to work on the great Canadian novel. Hehe. And that’s where I plan to get serious next. Here goes.

I’ve got to finish one proposal for my novel (great or otherwise) and seek an agent. So, I am again going public with a statement of intent. How can I best move my own writing forward? Finish a query and send it out by end of next week. Then it’s back to work on the book.

And that’s it for tonight. I’m flying a bit high as you might imagine, filled with gratitude at the universe’s generosity and rapid efforts on my behalf.

My wish for tonight is faith. Not the blind, follow along kind, but rather the deliberate, perceptive, intelligent – the ‘knowing’ – kind of faith. When sober, clear, and quiet, there’s within us all an intuitive voice speaking only good, encouraging us to seek divine purpose. With that faith one can climb any mountain.

Over and out.

Questions and good people

Woman and dogToday was an interesting day. I vegged mostly. Rather than trying to direct my thoughts, instead I allowed some uncomfortable feelings to surface and I also allowed some ugly memories to pass through that cinema in my head. It’s all good as in I’m fine. I think I’m learning some stuff, too. I might actually be learning how to process and let go as in not dwell on stuff or over analyze. No, I’m not doing it completely on my own. I’m doing it with Wayne Dyer, Taoism (this is new so it’s Tao 101 right now), Louise Hay, Christiane Northrup and Mario Martinez to name a few.

Currently, I’m back to questions and trying to make sure I’m asking the right ones like “How can I best serve?” as well as mantra-ing to keep my thoughts focussed on positive outcomes only. And I’ve got a little experiment going now – well another one to add to the ‘writing for a living’ one. Putting that goal out there was an excellent step and watching it come to fruition will be fun. In the meantime, I continue to closely monitor my language (internal and external). Doing that has initiated strong responses as in I hear myself and others speaking in such defeating ways! Thing is we don’t even realize what we’re thinking, or saying, most of the time. We carry ancient constructs in our blood and continue to inculcate myths with each generation. Breaking the patterns is a challenge but a worthy one. And I’m up for it.

Anywho, I’m a bit weary tonight but will try to follow-up on this train in future posts.

Tonight I wish for you, community. Finding others who affirm you, who share your values and support you, is a beautiful gift. None of us are islands and we are not meant to be alone. If you know someone who is, perhaps pay them a visit. If you feel lonely, make a sincere request to meet other like-minded folks, join a book club or hiking group. Living is a group sport.

Over and out.

All you need.

Jernej Gartner

Lots of saying goodbye lately. Tomorrow I’ll say another bittersweet one to my girl who jets back to the UK. That one’s relatively easy to recover from unlike a friend who said a final farewell to her beloved today. She’ll not bounce back so quickly, I fear. Selfishly, I can only sympathize with her loss. Empathizing is too painful.

Living as I do prevents a lot of the deeper kind of attachments. Consciously, I’d say it’s an accidental side effect and not one I chose. That’s sort of true, but not completely. I’m aware that my subconscious mind avoids connections. It remembers the entire lot of final farewells said over the years, each one tearing away a piece of me. At one point, death was an almost constant companion, so little healing happened and grieving became a way of life. Eventually, walking away was preferred to opening up and allowing another soul to touch mine. Looking back on those retreats I realize, however, they left me wounded, too.

Attending these funerals of late, and reading yesterday of the untimely and tragic deaths of John and Alicia Nash (A Beautiful Mind), opened some of those wounds and made itchy again, some scars. But not in a negative way. It’s time. It’s time for me to let go of an ache planted in my belly over half a century ago. It grew with each death, was watered with every retreat, and goodbyes were the sun under which it gained strength.

So tonight I’m going to cry a little, or maybe a lot, while remembering with much love and gratitude those who helped mold me, and whose leaving left a great void.

My feisty nanny and one true champion. We shared so much! You called me the night you died and I thank you for that. Aunt Olive who looked like Jennifer Jones, handsome Uncle Bud, bold Aunt Eileen and sombre Stella. Gregarious Aunt Marie and gentle Aunt Alice. Uncle Pat, who lost a leg instead of his life on the operating table only to burn to death in a fire a few years later. I’ll never forget the smell. It took me three full days to filter through what was left of his world. Mom, I wanted so badly for you to keep breathing that night. I hope you can forgive me for yelling at you, pleading with you to breathe, but I really didn’t want to lose you. I still miss you even though I barely knew you, really. Last but not least, dad. What can I say? You said you’d hang around until I was 30. You died nine days after my 30th birthday. Well played, sir!

There were non-humans, of course, too. Sparky, the family dog, Amigo, a gorgeous quarter horse, Brown, a Chesapeake retriever. Blue, Sadie, and my lovely friend Brady who would hone his skill as a herd dog by nipping the heels of the kids as they ran, and Oliver and Sid, came later. All touched me in large and small ways.

I’ve not mentioned any of the retreats, the ‘get out before the other does’, either. There are tons of those. Some leavings were good choices, many were not.

All these beings gave me so much, but the taking was too devastating mostly. The losses and sorrows, the years of grieving, confusion and solitude, are what make up “me”, though. Like John Nash, I spent many years insane. I don’t remember stuff, recalling it kind of like one does a dream. Lucky for me, I suppose. Not so for others. Perhaps more clarity will come over the days and weeks of this re-do about a direction, a way to use the experiences of the past to some good, but for now it just is what it is and “it” is all okay.

And so tonight I wish for us all to be open to the one desire we share – the desire for love. Deep, true, honest, sincere, and unconditional, it is the single thread binding us. To give and receive love is the greatest of all miracles. It is transformative and restorative. Love heals, binds together, and is all we need. No matter the sorrow that swallows us whole brought about by the “goodbye”, love remains steadfast. It is better to have loved, than not.

Over and out.

Unconscious no more. Oh, and an end to numbers…for now.

Unicorn tapestryThe works of Carl Gustav Jung were introduced to me when I was fifteen. It was a time when the only name that mattered to most was Freud. I, rather than blaming my mother for all the ills of the world, or focussing on penis envy, immersed myself in psychological analytics which strove to facilitate a conversation with one’s unconscious energies. Via dream interpretation and exploration of archetype, anima and animus, persona and shadow, I grew to appreciate the creative life, and accordingly, that spirituality is central to the human journey. I delved into the writings of Gandhi, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Edgar Cayce and Einstein, to name but a few. The latter discredited Schrodinger who embraced mysticism. I understood mysticism but not quantum physics so wasn’t able to completely comprehend much from those texts except a few of the broader concepts. Later, Carl Sagan helped break down some of it but, I digress.

Back then, with the words of these visionaries lighting my way, I started to walk off the beaten path and break ground – find a new way – toward further enlightenment. I chipped away at the box of small town narrow minded simplicity I nestled in, and for a time I climbed out to walk that new path. But soon, obstacles and bumps along the way became bigger, rougher, and deeper, so I skulked back to my box and climbed in, resigned to keep growing from inside.

Of course that idea was flawed. The box wasn’t going to shift in size so how could I possibly expand within it? But with no one to inform me otherwise, and enough fear to float an ocean liner, it’s the choice I made. We all make choices we regret. That’s how we learn. That it took me the better part of fifty years to finally put that box in the recycling bin, and out to the curb, causes me some sorrow. That I’m still breathing, perfectly apt and more than able, brings me great solace.

Why do I mention all of this past stuff, brilliant opportunities resulting in failure to launch? Because the thoughts I introduced into my psyche in those so long ago days have helped me hold on, have informed my unconscious, kept me linked to the collective and my formative energies. The life I’ve led, the doors opened and not, the deep anguish and regrets, are part of the tapestry that is “me”. And I’m proud of “me”. I’ve survived. I’ve tried. I’ve blustered, sputtered, and sung out at the top of my lungs. I’ve sat mute, and still. But I’m here. My heart is bigger than ever. My mind is clear and ready to digest the threads that make up that tapestry. Bring it on! There’s no box that can hold me now.

By the way, Jung and I are becoming reacquainted and I relish his thoughts and theories with the child-like enthusiasm of my youth. In truth, sometimes simply seeing his name brings goose bumps. Ain’t life grand?

Today my wish for us all is truth. The truth is we’ve only this moment even though this moment is informed by our past, true enough. But if there’s something back there that needs illumination, grab your flashlight. Be fearless. It cannot hurt you, but you can let it keep you in a box. Tell the truth. Do you want to stay in a box? Doubt it. Hug your hurt, forgive yourself, and let’s take that box to the curb.

Over and out.

It’s day 50. NO! It’s day 51!! Oops.

Greta Berlin 2Oops is right. I missed a blog, or rather I lost a day numerically. Looking back, I found entry 32 was followed by a titled post with no number, then succeeded by 33 which, of course, should’ve been 34. Wow. Further proof I’m an unlikely candidate for accountancy work. Phew. I was beginning to get a swelled head with all my successes of late. I now know it’s best to leave numbers to those better adept at using them. Isn’t it lovely that we each excel in different areas?

So, today wasn’t about numbers although numbers are an integral part of every day. Sigh. Okay, not funny. I’ll stop now.

Today was about a question. “What makes Hugh Jackman, Hugh amazing Jackman? What set him in motion, and then apart, enabling stars to beckon for him? Is it fatum, or destiny? Are we not all apt and able to, in our own unique way, climb the metaphorical mountain?

I’ve asked myself these married questions often and after decades can only know what I don’t think. It’s not about luck, genius, or exceptional talent although, needless to say, skills are involved. Mostly, the skills are learned, honed with practice, rather than handed over by osmosis. Hugh can sing and dance, and bulk up to play a super hero, but there are loads of others equally talented. Why did he achieve celebrity?

The quickest and simplest answer is, “I don’t know!” I’ll hazard a guess about a few things, though. I bet he showed up, wouldn’t take no for an answer, and kept improving, working diligently to better himself. I’ll bet, for the most part, he was respectful of himself and others and that he was, and remains, focussed. That he is disciplined with a rather high emotional quotient, I know for a fact.

Thing is really though, unless and until I achieve a level of celebrity, or unparalleled and unexpected success, I can’t say for sure that any of my ideas are accurate. They remain assumptions. Still, they are best guesses based on lessons learned and insights gained over time. Yes, there’s a bushel brimming with variables, but pretty hard to argue that showing up, discipline, and some skill, are common denominators.

But what of the original question(s)? I’ve no clue and won’t know unless I reach that personal pinnacle. So until that time comes, I will believe this: It is energy aligned, within and without, a willing, open, and ready vessel. That’s what I will believe.

Today I wish for you openheartedness. I wish that you soar with wild abandon – if only for a nanosecond. Who knows, you might find it tantalizing enough to soar again, higher the next time.

Over and out.

What day is it? Why it’s day 49!

IMG_0182While driving into the city today I allowed feelings of gratitude to overwhelm me. As funny as it sounds, I thought I might be glowing. Hard to say for sure because it was a sunny afternoon, but I bet if it’d been dark…well…right…it wasn’t dark…but if it were I bet I’d of lit up the car! Just saying.

Anywho, while rolling down the highway basking in the vibes, I suddenly had a thought. An ah-ha, thought! Okay, let me explain. I have to go back a bit to do that so that this will make sense.

Receipt of asked for work, was lovely. What I didn’t tell you was that I had a niggling urmhpy about it all. What I’m doing is not what I want to do – it’s not how I want to earn a living. Full of gratitude, yes, still somewhat ruffled. But that’s where the, ah-ha moment, comes in.

Remember discussions we’ve had about responsibility? Well, here’s where I take full responsibility. I was not specific. I did not see myself doing what I really want; did not ask the universe for work as a writer, work that would sustain me doing what I’m good at, and what I love. The universe responded rapidly to my request for funds, but I did not have enough faith – neither in myself nor the law of attraction – to be specific.

So here goes.

The question is, “Supporting myself is important. How can I do that in the most fulfilling way?” Writing. Everything I want to do stems from that. I want to continue to write stories and make a good living doing it.

Now, of course, I’m still grateful. I’ll head off to do what’s being offered in the now, but know I’ll be quickly shifting gears. I’m getting incredibly adept at that. too.

There you have it. Now, let’s all watch and see what happens next.

I am sooooo excited!!

My wish for you all is courage. Try and take away one net. See if you land safely. Try it. Just once. OH, but you must believe you’ll be okay.

P.S. A friend had to say goodbye to her partner, her husband, her friend, a couple of nights ago. It was a very surprising and sudden farewell. Think of her via moi, please. Thank you. And now, remember to tell those in your life, how much you love them.

Namaste.

4+8=12

MeditatingAh, day 48 was bloody amazing!

I was offered another job – woot. Isn’t the Universe amazing? I asked and it was delivered. It’s also something to do with instant manifestation promised by the number 10, methinks, because I’m using Frances with more gusto each day. Anywho, I’m getting my feet under me it seems.

I’ve not given up and will not, on my dream of writing for a living, but because I asked for some immediate assistance to pay down a bit of debt, it would be foolish to turn down this gift. I’ll still be writing in my spare time. There’ll just be a lot less of it.

I also got to spend the day with my girl and her fella. We ran some errands, ate some scrumptious vegan food, and enjoyed more of our typical ‘good chats’. I’m satiated.

And so, because it was a busy day, it’s late now and the blog, brief as a result. That’s okay, there’s really a lot in these few words, isn’t there? Hehe.

Today was a fabulous day. I am filled with gratitude.

My wish for you all is faith. Have faith that what you ask for will be given if you just believe.

Over and out.