One Step More

Tonight, I’ll keep my post short. My heart is a bit sore and yet, all is well. I’ve much to be grateful for but I’m weary, too.

I have finally been to see a doctor, or rather two because it’s a walk-in clinic and I’ve been twice now. I graciously took the finger-wagging, but it’s hard for me to admit I cannot heal myself! I mean, I did try and used wonderful homoeopathic and naturopathic remedies, but to no avail. That written the ruptured drums have healed now, and the subsequent infection in both ears is almost gone. In her best medical terminology, the beautiful doctor I figured was about 12 years old told me the right ear is still clinging to a bit of “gunk”, while the left is ready to party. I appreciated her humour and warmth after my first visit. Doctor Uno wanted nothing to do with me to the extent she did not get in touch with something she really should have.

During my initial visit, I was told (abruptly) I would be notified within a day if the results of a test showed I had another infection. Today, six days later, Doctor Duo showed obvious surprise and apologized. With her face focussed on the computer screen, she said, “Oh, you DO have an infection. We need to take care of that ASAP.” She was obviously taken aback by what she was reading on the screen – or maybe by what she wasn’t reading is likely more to the point. Nothing worse than having to pick up a dropped ball, even though we’ve all done it.

I’ve been working hard at picking up a lot of dropped balls. Mine are scattered hither and yon and go back years. One foot in front of the other, lots of patience, diplomacy, and humility are garnering good results, though. I am proud of myself – even for going to see a doctor and for paying for medication. I am taking care of myself and not begrudging any of the processes. I’ll not have grocery money now but will make do. I just will. And my body and mind are happy about the decision because my poor old insides are tired of battling icky “gunk” without the right help.

We make decisions every day. It often seems we make a productive choice and a destructive one all at the same time. That’s the roller coaster of emotions we can end up riding at a given moment almost. Overall, if we keep striving for what ultimately makes us feel good, though, we’re likely headed in the wisest direction.

My wish is for forgiveness, today. Of course, I wish for this beautiful, healing process a lot, but it doesn’t hurt to want its grace often because it is multi-layered and complex. We have put far too many labels on the word. We have categorized and defined it. I fear all that hoopla takes us away from its true purpose and gives us an excuse to disown it when, in essence, all we need to do is whisper the words, “Let me forgive.” In time, as the demand is repeated, the energy called upon will manifest in our lives and show us that indeed, we have forgiven and are forgiven. Ah, sweet release. And now, forgive me, but it’s time to say goodnight.

Until tomorrow…