There are currently eight half-finished blogs on my desktop. Yesterday’s made it nine. It should have felt good to finally launch at least one into cyberspace, but it didn’t. The result was a one-way conversation in my head that went something like this:
“You are SO full of yourself. Way intense. Why do you have to be so serious about every damn thing? And really, who do you think you are? I mean, come on. Other folks write about flat-tires, chipped nail polish, bad hair, mothers, children, and surviving against the odds. Some actually get paid, no less! Why can’t you do that? Get paid, I mean. You’d have to write something different, better, I suppose. Lord knows you could. You’ve fixed flats, in the dark, on deserted back roads, for heaven’s sake. You’ve had plenty of good and not so good mani-pedis and made your fair share of regrettable colour choices. You’re the queen of bad hair and you know a bit about mothers. You had one and – saints preserve us – a mother-in-law. Your kids survived you – barely – but nevertheless they’re still around. Plus, you’ve a grandgirl who is still kicking despite having been in your care from time to time. So, you’re a loser. Big deal. Who isn’t? Get over it. Stop with the inadequacy speeches. ‘I’m afraid… I’m not good enough… I’m too old… . Whine, whine, whine. Heard it ad nauseam Give it a rest already”.
The monologue went on for hours. I interjected from time to time, muttering my displeasure, but it was pointless. Eventually, I fell asleep only to dream about walking along a dark gravel road toward a broken-down car. My former mother-in-law (may she rest in peace) was behind the wheel screaming at me and waving her skeletal arms madly. She was really skinny when alive and didn’t like me much, but this scene was straight out of Night of the Living Dead. By the way, she didn’t drive in life so am pretty sure she wouldn’t be driving in the afterlife, either. Anywho, I woke in a sweat ready to take the challenge to lighten up.
My wish today is that we look for our lightest part. We can start by visualizing ourselves as a beams of light, wisps of air, or feathers. Our bodies can weigh us down. Our minds can weigh us down. We don’t have to let either hold us down, or back. Fly, sail, soar, and shine. Here’s to embracing the light side of life.