Manifesting…

manifestSome of you might be wondering how things are going for me these days. I posted quite a few blogs in the past months with a woe is me theme discussing concerns the least of which was my possible homelessness. I will not make light of my situation even now. It was extreme and it did reach the boiling point. One day, my bank account finally went red. Panic rose fast and then, just as quickly, dissolved. After all, there was nothing I could do but what I was doing, which was trying my damnedest to address the problem. So, I let the chips fall, smiled and breathed deep and, to my delight, the world did not end.

Redo 365 was about getting real, coming out of the shadows, and looking squarely at myself in the light. These last eighteen months, give or take, have been the final test of that resolution. Hiding was an option but there’d be no learning if I did that. I’m glad I went with honesty. It served me well alongside humility. I practised gratitude for it all, too, (everything from tongue-lashings to sleepless nights) and kept reaching out for advice and assistance. People pointed me in directions I would have neither thought of nor followed once upon a time, but I did not resist. My knowledge and awareness grew. I recognised a new practicality blossoming and an even deeper understanding and compassion. And then, I landed jobs – yes, plural – and they kept coming. Too many, actually. After months of nothing, I was suddenly working four part-time jobs. Two were soul-destroying so thank heavens others came along. I remained thankful for it all. When the fifth job materialized, it brought with it the motherlode. Once a dream, writing for a living was suddenly real. And, like the day my bank account bottomed out, I smiled and breathed.

This ‘dream’ is an enabler. My heart overflows with appreciation, but it is only the beginning. It is a contract job so the momentum gained pulling it to me has to be kept alive. That’s how attraction works. No surprises really because it’s not about some magical universe “out there” but rather connecting to, and aligning with, self’s source energy. It is a synchronistic fusing of elements which includes believing and allowing.

In the eighteen months mentioned, it took the best part of three months to find my feet in this city. Of course, the ground is not solid beneath me yet. And focussing on solutions instead of issues doesn’t come naturally to me, but it is a mindset I’m working to cultivate. Life patterns can be a bugger to change. I mean seriously, how many of us keep replaying even the gnarly ones? I’m reminded of that expression of Einstein’s that goes something like, “…repeating the same thing expecting different results.”  Becoming aware that we’re doing it helps. Once we do, sloppy old habits can be replaced with helpful, constructive patterns. It just takes determination – lots of it. Looking back from my current vantage point, I can see that very clearly.

My days are visible to me now (which obviously includes large portions of my past) through a greatly restructured lens. And while I do not cling to the past, I do have regrets. I do not rest in them, bathe in the “what ifs”, but I do acknowledge the feelings respectfully. Regrets don’t feel nice. I’d prefer to feel differently so I try to find better feelings. And it’s becoming easier and easier to feel good.

My wish is that if you see a hill you cannot climb, you’ll close your eyes, click your heals and say “That’s a little hill and I can climb it easily.” Try it. Oh, and I’ll meet you at the top.

Until tomorrow…

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11 thoughts on “Manifesting…

  1. diann kehler

    I love this post. I love that things have changed for you. I don’t have much to offer, but I do have a couch if need be. So happy for you…….xoxo

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    1. Frances Sullivan

      Thanks, Susan. Not sure about being brave – naive and foolish is more like it. 🙂 Love, love, love right back to you, my dear friend.

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  2. allitaweb

    Awesome Awesome Awesome my friend!! Way to go, this brought a huge smile to my face AND my heart. I’ll be honest, it got too heavy for me for a while, mostly because I’ve been on a parallel path of experiencing extreme lack and given the chance to see things through a different lens. It’s been tough, but we’re both learning so much aren’t we? AFGO (another fucking growth opportunity) 😘😘 Much love Frances xo Allita

    Sent from my fabulous iPhone

    >

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    1. Frances Sullivan

      Oh Allita. I think we’ve paralleled a few times since first coming into each other’s orbit. Yes, it got too heavy for me, too, which is why the blogs were, and remain, sparse. But it was the story I had to tell. And for sure, the learning never stops. Sigh. LOL Much love to you. xx

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  3. Melissa Mask

    Congratulations on being within reach of the summit of your Everest! You’ve persevered on your journey with long strides and baby steps but you kept moving and trying despite obstacles on the path or thin air. You’re a fighter, a survivor and deserve to enjoy rest, rejuvination and reprieve from the elements. So happy for you.

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    1. Frances Sullivan

      I can’t tell you what this most eloquent and heartfelt of notes means to me. I’ve still some rocks to move and hills to climb, or, in simpler terms, some adjustments to make, but I want to make them. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I hope you are soldiering on, too, finding your way to rejuvenation and rest. It is well deserved. xx

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