It takes a long time to unsettle oneself. There are drawers to empty, closets to clear, and shelves to make bare. There are energies to realign and entanglements to disengage. In my case, however, because I arrived with two suitcases and did not know a soul, there are only a few drawers to empty and a couple of items to remove from the closet. Goodbyes, though never easy, will be short if bittersweet. So, while it might take you a long time to unsettle yourself, I do it in a few hours. And so it goes. I’ve already delivered a box to the Greyhound depot for forwarding because I’d rather travel light, and packed a suitcase. Tomorrow I leave this outpost I’ve called home since April 24th with a slightly heavy heart. Yet, there is anticipation and the promise of something new in the air. I will be fine. It is another step on this unorthodox journey I’m becoming a bit of an expert at.
Many of you might often scratch your heads wondering how I manage. You know there are times when I have no money. You know I do not have a permanent address. I have no stability in the common understanding of the word. All of that is true enough, and yet, I am still here. A few monetary gifts have come unsolicited from generous friends, and others simply help me get by. Let me be clear. I’ve not given up seeing my situation differently. To that end, I have stopped bemoaning my plight. Instead, I see myself flush, comfortable, and secure. And, here’s the funny thing about that vision – it ‘feels’ wonderful. And as long as I hold to the feelings of what life is like with security, I can breathe, and act, and continue to write, and contribute, and ask for solutions to appear. And they will – they are – they do.
My time here has been grand. I have been broken here and written a book here. I’ve laughed and shed many tears here. I came open and leave the same way. I learned to hold to thoughts that are only good ones, ones that make me feel fine, worthwhile and on fire.
So that’s my wish today, for visions that take us to the best feeling places. If thoughts becomes things it makes sense to find thoughts that make us feel secure, that bring us joy. It makes even more sense to imagine the best case scenario, the happiest result, and a situation awash with capital L love. Feels good, yes?