Hey one and all, what’s new and exciting?
I’m in a bit of good mood today and anxious to tell y’all about it. Because you’ve supported me with kind words over these last many months when I blathered on to you almost daily about my struggles, it makes sense that I’d want to tell you some good stuff. And you’re likely relieved, too. I know I am.
So some of this mood was inspired by a Facebook post I happened upon reflecting on how challenging life is and that each day is one fraught with just too much sorrow to be anything but ‘just another day’. My heart went out to the author who I first wanted to hug, and lastly wanted to encourage to seek another thought-path. I couldn’t find the words, though. (I know, not something a writer should admit.) Still, I kept wrestling with it. Until this morning.
Sitting at my spot on the couch, editing away while listening to Gandalf the White’s wise instructions to Aragon (I am SO in love with Viggo Mortensen) in the background, a feeling of profound peace enveloped me. Of course, I welcomed it because I was once more reminded how much I love writing. It is my Zen, no zigzagging involved at all. Also, I am happy for every fragment of my current circumstance. Yes, I’m envisioning, even demanding change, but at the same time I realize the choices I’ve made that brought me here were the best I could make at the time. Also affirmed within the feeling was that my decision to feel good, be grateful about my life no matter what, is working. In fact, the transformation is remarkable, but only I can testify to it. You would not likely notice it. Think of it like “The Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde in reverse. You might not ever see a change, but I sure as shit do! And it’s glorious.
So, what has any of that to do with the doldrums experienced by the Facebooker? Well, this is what. We do have choices, but, we can only feel what we can feel. Our energy allows us to move into emotions that elevate or lower, but must work in collaboration. If we are not capable, we are not in that moment able to even believe in the possibility of something better, and so will stay wherever we are until we break through and vibrate differently. Make sense?
Because I intend to feel blessed and prosperous when I’ve not even money for groceries means I open a gateway, a portal as it were, to potential. I suppose it hearkens back to the blog about pretending or acting. My feelings are the realization of its successful application. Despite my “issues” I am happy and in this moment, at ease with my situation, fully assured all will be well. How? I haven’t a clue, but I believe it.
Lastly, it takes time to move. I’ve been doing this work wholeheartedly for over two years now, focussed on it every single day, attempting to hear differently, change a long developed inner dialogue, and confront every shadow with forgiveness. Every day I chase love. And, guess what, I’m seeing more and more of it every moment.
My wish today is for a fragment of light to illuminate whatever darkness you face, if only to give you a scintilla of hope. Hold on to that piece of light no matter what else happens around you. Imagine it in your sleeping state and when awake. See it through your tears. It is there and it will not fail you. Believe.