It’s another hot day here. Almost 40 degrees. The air is dense and the mountains are veiled completely. A fire was set outside of town and while under control, the aftermath adds to the smog. As for me, the pressure is a bit much. Both my ears are plugged shut so I feel like I’m in a vacuum. On the flip side, it is superbly quiet which helps me sleep. Always a plus. Sleep is my friend. In fact, we all need to befriend it. Our mind and body cannot function optimally without it.
I’m softer today than I’ve been for a while. My heart still aches, but perhaps because I can hear so little of the outside world, my inside voices don’t feel the need to shout. Or maybe they’ve simply decided to cut me some slack. Am I allowing? Yes. I’ve raised the white flag. It’s time to stop chasing and searching and grasping. However, I’m aware of feeling betrayed by the process I believe in. I still believe in it for you, of course, just not for me. However, surrendering means all that’s left is acceptance – acceptance for all that is – all of it. It’s like stripping bare and feeling no fear for what is showing, for what can be seen. It’s vulnerability at its purest. And I’m not scared – not really. It’s time to sit still and allow other people to step up and step in. It’s time for me to watch and forgive, hug and nurture my tender self.
My wish for today is for tenderness. I’ve experienced it fully lately and it is a glorious thing indeed. To that end, I must hold my tongue and stop lashing out at people. The anger I feel is for me, no one else. Not really. Furthermore, when I judge, I’m actually hurting myself, degrading and diminishing myself, which only serves to exacerbate the anger. I long to love the world and its people with a tender heart, but will be able to accomplish that only if I can accept and love myself. I can hug the anger away over time. After all I am a part of the world and one of its people. So, here’s to accepting gently, allowing completely, and bathing in surrender. Oh, that sounds perfect, doesn’t it?