If you’ve seen the movie You’ve Got Mail, you might recall Meg Ryan’s character Kathleen Kelly writing to Tom Hank’s character Joe Fox saying she likes to start her email to him as if they are the oldest and dearest friends, and not two people who met in an Internet chat room. That’s how I’ve come to feel about you. Mind, I tend to be doing all the ‘mailing’ as it were, but enjoy your responses whenever they come. To that end, I need to talk to a friend, today, preferably one who is my oldest and dearest.
This month, I’ve zeroed in on relationships as you know. A recent post of mine was all positive and hopeful. I thought I’d broken free from an old pattern and was feeling rather cocky about it. Well, I’ve had a change of heart, or view, because apparently my heart is no different, no better off, than ever. Okay, that’s not true. Every experience is a chance to explore our emotional body and expand it, but shit, lessons should get learned, yes?
You have to love how easily we take credit for other people’s experiences. We do affect others to be sure. And despite how I’m on and on about responsibility and owning my life – that no one else makes my sun rise but me – a key part of being responsible is showing kindness and consideration to everyone. I fall down there, not always able to articulate the truth for fear of hurting someone, I too often selfishly cling to relationships for my own benefit. That’s not kind or considerate. However, the flip side of this is I am still, and always, responsible for my actions, only. Another’s actions are none of my business. Tough concept, eh? And way too tough for me to grapple right now. However, I think talking to you about this has helped. It’s made me remember that how I feel is always my choice no matter how many people I try to blame. LOL.
A complete change of gears now. If any of you are considering a trip to Vancouver Island, do it. This place is gorgeous, the people are friendly and the bears, cute. Well, the cubs are cute when watched from the safety of a car. There’s lots to do. I’m heading off to kayak tomorrow. Went salsa dancing last night, so indeed, plenty to keep you busy. Think about it. Oh, and if you do decide to visit in the next two months, please let me know.
Wishing for understanding and honesty in communication – no surprises. Telling the truth means informing openly, keeping your loved one in the loop. Exclusion of information, while not a lie, is not a kind or considerate action. Rather it is a selfish act which gives an advantage to one over the other. So, when all your friends know you’re planning a vacation, but the person you’re seeing does not, well that’s a disaster waiting to happen. You’ve set the stage for a miserable drama. No one can be expected to make a decision in a relationship unless they have all the facts. When information, even the simplest bits, are kept secret, it hurts. Exclusion hurts. NO body likes to be out of the loop. So tell people what’s going on. Be courageous enough to let someone else make a decision even if you might not like it.