Addiction. I think it’s a good follow-up. People easily become addicted to money from worrying about it, to making it, so it’s kind of a no-brainer segue. When you think about it, it’s easy to see why people become hooked on a lot of things actually. Just like sex, drugs, and rock and roll, certain substances are quite appealing. And just as money brings highs and lows, issues and misunderstandings with it, so do addicts and their addictions. They come in all shapes and sizes, too. None of us are immune from getting hooked on something we do; any food we eat, drink we drink, or walk we walk is as good or destructive as we make it. So, I’ve decided to wax thoughtful about addiction for the next 30 days. It will be fun. Maybe even addictive! (See what I did there?) But I’m getting ahead of meself a tad.
Over the last day and a bit, I’ve been asking myself if I’m clear about what I’m doing with the blog. Am I still moving toward something, and if so, what exactly? Of primary importance is this question: Is there value in it? When I started my redo, the umbrella was a really big one. I was on a mission to get honest, become accountable, and more self-aware. How I got there didn’t matter as long as I was moving in that direction. And, I succeeded. I am now sheer perfection! Okay, that’s bullshit, but seriously, I am better in myself than I was two years ago. Thing is, when you publicly make a promise, it’s a lot harder to break it, yeah? So, change was made gradually but steadily and I’m happier, healthier, and overall a kinder human. Will delving deeper into specific triggers help or just pull me back into the muck?
Well, I think the best answer right now is that exploration is always worthwhile as long as the objective is to add value to one’s life via the search. Since I’ve no intention of sinking or blaming or staying stuck anywhere, by deepening my understanding of a word and its many aspects, I become more aware of my reactions and responses around that word. With that hypothesis in mind, whatever topic I decide to zigzag around in will surely teach me something. Furthermore, with a critically objective eye, I might well discover my biggest stumbling blocks. For example, I do want to be a good writer. To make that happen, I must hone whatever skill I have. I have to practice. Honing and practicing are not strengths. Can I overcome a self-critical and lackadaisical attitude? Yes. I am determined. But, being in a dire state financially has become a block to my progress, or so I’ve been telling myself. I find it difficult to concentrate on writing day after day, hour after hour with the albatross of possible homelessness around my neck. Oh, woe is me! Hold on a second. Is this my beautiful opponent Tragic Heroine speaking? You bet it is because in this moment, I am neither homeless nor yet penniless. What I am, however, is a major time waster and excuse maker. *Sigh* But hey, even though the truth hurts I might just be able to fix it now that I see it. And, I figured it out by investigating money. Brilliant, yes?
So, we are on! Let’s raise a glass (of sparkling water) to another 30 days of heartfelt philosophical musings about addiction. Where will it take us? I’ve no idea and that’s exactly as it should be.
My wish today is that when wandering through the maze of our emotions, we recall the greatest one. It is, I believe, our reason for being, our single aspiration and purest gift. No matter how dark our day, or painful our night, love is what we seek. Let’s look for it together, shall we, one little big word at a time.