In the movie “Runaway Bride”, the heroine was an escape artist of sorts. She was moderately successful and accomplished, surrounded by the warmth of protective friends, and because Julia Roberts was the star, she was also, beautiful.
As the story goes, Maggie could step up and into almost any role until it came to what was, for her, a real commitment. Why couldn’t she finish what she started? Well, here’s where I’m gonna jump in with my two cents: because she wasn’t real. Her facade could only sustained during the superficiality of courtship. The day-to-day would have blown the lid off her pretense and she knew it.
Of course, as any good romance goes, she steps into her power and marries her heart’s desire. I like the ending because I’m a sap, but the middle bits did leave an impression on me.
Many of my blogs recount highly emotional experiences for me. For most of us, whatever has caused trauma in our lives can set us reeling over and over again until we peel back its layers sufficiently enough to stop the reeling. What do I mean by peeling back the layers of a trauma? Radical events are seldom simple. Like a tree that we can see above the ground, it’s easy to forget the roots underneath. So, for us, we might believe a hurtful time or event is dealt with until we are reminded of a part buried out of sight. When a memory is triggered, strong reactions are evoked. In my case, allowing my heart to open to all that I know while accepting what I do not or cannot know about one event or another, while rendering me somewhat breathless, is the only way to cope. I let myself get battered by feelings until I can be beaten no more. Once exhausted, I surrender and in that place I can recuperate. Just like the Runaway Bride, I run until I cannot, then I get up and try again. Am I only repeating myself? I don’t think so – not really.
Each time we fall and decide to get up, or as this story goes, runaway from something today and run back tomorrow, we afford ourselves the opportunity to learn valuable lessons about ourselves. To the onlooker, we’re on a merry-go-round, but inside we are growing. For me, I can pretend to know what my mother went through upon learning she was pregnant, but it’s only a rude guess. The result of all this guessing is a life’s story chockablock with scenarios based on fragments of this and that, and lots of secrets and lies. Shame, really. Still, it’s about trying again because I believe trying again is worth it even though I might say something quite the opposite. Somewhere inside I know that in time I’ll find my truth – mine alone – by running away and then running back toward myself.
My wish tonight is for the courage to run, but not always away. It’s true enough that sometimes we really should run away from people, places, and things. But there are times when we need to find the courage to run back, too, to try again, because eventually we’ll get it right. Being true to ourselves might mean finding out who that self is. Here’s to the courage and the stamina to run until we find them.