Welcoming me…

welcomeA few days ago, I posted a list of things that make me happy, hence a “happy list”. Since doing that, I’ve noticed some surprising results that are quite nice. It seems I inadvertently refer back to my list at the oddest times, but with the same results. I feel better. A smile is raised. I don’t have to see, touch, or smell anything, just the simple act of recall is enough to solicit those pheromones, or serotonin, or whatever it is that gets the happy juices flowing. Of course, a purely subjective observation is all I need to conclude that thoughts can make one feel good. So, in my new-found, somewhat cocky self-assuredness, I decided to try something else, write another list of sorts.

Now, this next list I’ll not publish – I don’t think. Despite my desire for transparency there are a few things I’d rather not expose. Plus, this “list” is more of a request than anything, a vision board in word only. I have done similar in the past, but on the eve of another super moon, the one going into my sign which is Aries, I’m feeling the alignment and decided to take a leap.

Part of the list, I’ve asked for before. I was not ready to receive it then, so it needs to be stated again. This time, however, I expanded on my desires. I put in a list of my own responsibilities. It reads a tad like those mantra memes on Facebook: “I am love” sort of thing, but not exactly. I wrote, “I welcome…” in an effort to step into who I believe I can be. But, that’s when the internal twisting started. I could actually feel my resistance, my fear, and apprehension – my doubt if you will – rise up. What an amazing experience.

I figure it’s kind of like when we decide to “put up or shut up”. It’s scary! I knew I had to leave my marriage all those years ago, but goodness me, talking and doing are radically different, talk being “cheap” as the adage suggests. And today was that way. I knew it was time to “put up” all the while feeling a feeling that says, “I cannot” when you really, really want to find your way to “I can”.

Letting go, whether it be to a marriage or a bad habit, is the same. (And I suppose a marriage could also be a bad habit.) Bad habits can have pre-nups, children, and a whole lot of baggage attached. You might need to rearrange a lot of your life to alter a bad habit. Hell, bad habits last a lot longer than most relationships do. But in the end, it is the same. We are seeking happiness and it’s easier to dispose of tangible items we’ve no doubt are making us unhappy. Those habits, though, they can be tough.

So, I wrote it out, put it in black and white. I welcome all the change necessary – with an open heart. Shit, even writing that terrifies me. My innards are churning. Really? MORE change? You have to be kidding me! But no matter, I welcome my worth, my value. I welcome new patterns that deepen my experience of joy and compassion. I welcome me.

And so I leave you with my wish, penned by Claudia Brandt. It is a part of her Happy List. Thank you for sharing, Claudia.

28. Watching butterflies
29. Picking sweet and ripe cherries from a tree
30. Bathing your feet in a cool rock pool after a long, challenging walk
31. Singing out loudly words that come to your mind spontaneously
32. Writing a love message
33. The scent of roses and lavender
34. Walking hand in hand in silence with your loved one
35. Not wishing for anything
36. Sunsets
37. Hugging an old tree and talking to it
38. Giving a rescued creature a loving home
39. A candlelight dinner enhanced by your favourite music
40. Breathing and being aware of the gift of life
41. Sending a wish to the universe
42. Looking into the flames of a log fire
43. A hot cup of ginger tea on a cold winter day

I welcome…

Until tomorrow…

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