I re-watched a good movie from years ago the other night. The ending brought me to a place I’ve not been for a while, if ever. The scene was a reunion of mother and son, the latter having been told the mother had died. As I watched the onscreen embrace, my heart ached a bit. My mind said, “You missed out on that, didn’t you?” I could only reply, “Yes.”
No matter how many times I rationalize my life’s experiences, or logically review its sequences, the heart reminds me of its finished or unfinished business via emotional nudges. Yesterday was no exception, the sorrowful feeling lasting throughout the night and into my day. But it is okay, as am I. I am happy to be able to feel. It is proof positive I am alive.
Our emotions are barometers to living, and like the weather, pretty changeable. Predicting them accurately is not necessarily something we humans are good at. Some of us are experts at avoiding, pretending, squelching, and recommissioning emotions while others are completely out of whack and end up being tossed all over the place by feelings. We’ve work to do, methinks, to regulate and come to respect emotions, but in fairness, we have made some strides in understanding ourselves. A short time ago women were institutionalized with what we now call PMS, so yeah, we’re getting a bit better at understanding. Bottom line, though, “What we resist persists” quoting Jung. In other words, as long as we deny we have a feeling, we’re gonna have that feeling. Of course, we like the good ones so there’s no resistance. Not so with the difficult emotions. They’re the ones we most need to learn from.
I don’t intend to ignore my sad little heart today or any day for that matter. I’m also not going to crawl into a hole, make more of it than I should, use it to gain sympathy, or judge it or blame anyone including myself, for what I’m feeling. I will purely and simple, allow it and know that when it has had its say, it will move on. The joy in this procedure is that I know without any doubt that the more I do this, the more healing will occur in my life. And that is wonderful.
My wish tonight is to allow healing. Most of us have a wound from yesterday or a thousand years ago that hurts too much to look at. In order to really heal, we must let the light at it, though. We have to stop its festering by cleaning it up. Yes, it might need to be covered up for a bit, but that’s okay as long as we remember to change the bandages. Soon, they can be removed all together. Gradually, all that’s left is a beautiful scar as a reminder of a powerfully moving event in our life – an experience that shaped us into a more understanding and compassionate human. Wow.