I didn’t want to miss another blog post, but am struggling to find the words. I’m back to being tired and am frittering away my days. Heaven knows I’m waiting for a bunch of things to materialize but that’s no excuse. A day should never be wasted. Still, I’m filled with lots of low-level emotions that I can’t quite put my finger on. I feel different somehow. And it’s all okay. Nothing too up, nothing too down. When you’ve a tendency for extremes, boring old calm with little feeling can be a relief.
My writing has been on my mind. I can’t seem to pull myself back to the book. Other work has come along and it is important work so must be attended to. I miss “Adopting Elizabeth” though and look forward to visiting with her story soon. The longing has got me to thinking back to a time when I was a storyteller, or I fancied myself one. I lived in books, and then later, movies. Fiction and reality blurred for me then and probably still does. Don’t get me wrong. I’m no romantic. I like the term innocent pragmatist. Over the years, experience and education have informed a more balanced approach, but I’ve not let go of all my dreams, either. And I’m happy about this. I still trust and hold an unflappable belief in life. That wasn’t always the case.
One sneaky reality for most who deal with depression is its unwavering pessimism. The word “but” slips from the tongue like saliva as it competes with “no” for supremacy. “How” is another that keeps one in a constant state of limbo. Unchecked, these words are as a potent as any drug. Once caught and used appropriately, some of depressions hold can lessen. Of course, it is not that easy. There’s much more work that needs doing, but I’m simply speaking of my own change from a pessimistic person to a positive one. It redefined me and in so doing helped me cope. It was challenging at first but it’s easy now. And it makes a difference. A good one.
My wish tonight is that whatever path works for you, you have the strength to keep on it. Like depression that pulls one away from feeling good, doing what feels good seems natural when healthy and clear minded. Why would you ever stray, or move away from feeling good? It makes no sense. No sense at all.