I did not post last night. Naughty, but there’s a reason. I was down the hill at my new local’s open mic night singing me little heart out. Okay, that’s a big overstatement. I sang one song, poorly. And please, no sympathetic outcries, my performance was rough. However, I’ve gotten back on the horse – again – determined to somehow find my voice and use it. Somehow I need to. Anywho, apologies for slacking off but it was well after midnight when I got in having closed the pub along with a bunch of blokes from the Midlands here on a hiking/kayaking weekend. Their instructor J, showed up, too, and funnily enough, I know her. She’s a sweetheart. All in all, I had a really nice evening laughing, and listening to good music. Goodness. Note to self. Get out more and lighten the fuck up!
I might have mentioned once or twenty times how pretty it is here. Today I found yet another gorgeous spot, steeped in a psychic history of sorts. Its current incarnation is a pretty glamorous hotel but not so long ago it was a caravan park owned and run by a couple of card reading types. I was told these hippies held lots of ceremonies over the years which I imagine were well intentioned. The result is that the place vibrates with what I’ll call a sweetness. Of course a lot of manicuring has occurred of late and little expense has been spared right down to the two male peacocks who hang out at the door to the restaurant. I did not eat there, but hope to. It’s another in an impressive list of eateries by one of the UK’s top chefs.
While there, it poured buckets. When I returned to my car I could see the freshly laid pea gravel in the driveway had been shoved into piles forming a bank for the water. It made me smile, glad it wouldn’t be me raking it all back into place. Ah, the joy of all things new! I like ‘new’ though. I like spit and polish. I see it a sign of respect for, and love of, a place. Clutter and dinge suggests disregard, stinginess, and maybe even sadness. Speaking of sadness…
Yesterday I pulled into a big lay-by and as rain splattered off the leaves and onto my car, I let the tears come. If you recall, I mentioned I’ve been feeling lonely and mean spirited. The video by Matt Khan who suggests we respect all our nastiness and acknowledge the power it has helped lift me a bit, but I’ve still been feeling, well, weepy. As I cried, I yelled at everything, all the unknowns and unseens. I laid it out right there under those trees and beside the moss covered stone wall. I spoke with anger, berating myself and the almighty universe. I asked why a few simple requests have not been delivered. Surely you know the drill. We’ve all done this, haven’t we? What was very odd, however, was this; during it all, I became enveloped in gratitude. I can’t explain it. For probably the first time in my life I could feel honest-to-goodness gratitude for everything that I was yelling at. In that moment, I became one with it all. I experienced grace. Very cool.
Now I’ve somewhere new to go inside as well as outside. All these quaint places I can explore here are intoxicating, but even more captivating is the glow of a grateful heart.
My wish tonight is that we boldly accept each and every opportunity to expand. It is frankly the hardest work ever, but with each step it gets a little easier. Wait. Maybe not easier, just better. Better because the teenie glimpses we’re given are enough to make us keep going. Those moments when we feel so divinely okay, blissed out, happy are worth chasing. Let’s chase the kind and the good. Go chase some happiness, freedom, beauty. What’s the old adage? Keep your eye on the prize. Yeah, I like that.
P.S. Thank you A.B. for telling me you read this craziness. Very kind. I apologize for not recognizing you. We’re FB friends for goodness sake! Anywho, it won’t happen again. xx