Shadows and light…

Into light.jpgI’m still on this ‘shadow’ stuff. A similarly journeying friend recommended a guru who speaks about respecting all those less than lovely bits of ourselves like the anger, jealousy, and fear. Everything that keeps us grounded in the petty, unevolved pieces of our humanity. He suggests acknowledging the power they exhibit and giving them the respect they crave. Of course, Redo 365 was in a large part an effort to love my shadow side into the light. He scoffs, not at love, but at spiritual kinds of platitudes toward the treatment of our shadows, and now I get why.

When Alex wrote so eloquently about cultivating a garden, it made good sense, but the issue did not settle there for me. When a topic bubbles up repeatedly it’s got something more to teach me, something more to say, so I’m revisiting it again tonight.

The last few days I’ve been living in the dark, plagued by unpleasant, nasty thoughts about others. I’ve been feeling left out, angry, and misunderstood. I’ve been feeling judged and am frustrated about everybody’s behaviour and mine. Telling myself to not judge others, take responsibility for my own actions, or that I’ve created these situations, was not helping. In fact, it was making things worse.

Through Mike Dooley’s site, I linked to a really good video by Esther Hicks. It gave me insight into a few things and because I enjoy her humour, it was fun to watch. But it did not lift the veil. This morning, though, I watched this other video of Matt Khan’s, and tonight, the veil seems to finally be lifting, but with a twist. The twist is I’m giving myself full permission to be pissed off, hurt, sullen and withdrawn, judgmental and snippy. What? Yep. And here’s why.

All of that stuff, those less than nice bits, are there for a reason. Maybe it comes from the kid who was bullied, or the child who was abandoned. There are hundreds of reasons people ache, and with every ache comes the desire for acknowledgement. SEE me! HEAR me! I HURT! YOU hurt ME! I want to cry, please let me cry! Just hold me and let me scream! And on and on and on. Ignored, the ugly persists. Told some spiritual rhetoric to keep them at bay, they recoil ready to strike back fast. This last bit rings super true for me.

And so it was today, after hearing Khan’s advice to recognise the power of these thoughts and emotions and offer them respect, that I finally felt a break-through of sorts. I do not like being ignored, or patronized. I withdraw and fall into self-pity mode when my feelings are diminished or dismissed by another. Why are these crappy feelings and reactions any different? Maybe, just maybe, if I respect their power, treat them thoughtfully, it will help.

Now do not get me wrong here. I’m not saying I’m suddenly going to let the weeds take over the garden. That would just be plain stupid. What I am saying is that I’m going to lighten up on myself and respect my human shadow parts knowing they will walk freely into the light once I’ve given them the respect they deserve.

Wishing you all some laughter and good gardening weather.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.

Until tomorrow…

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