I did not post last night. When I woke this morning it was with my usual difficulty and jumble of emotions but with one glorious difference – clarity. I saw I was in danger of slipping back into habits I’d wanted to address and eradicate when I began Redo 365.
In short, this morning is a tough one for me, but brilliant, too. Not because I failed to post because of course, the year has passed and I have fulfilled my promise. No. It is the poignant recognition of my talent to ignore the trees while staring longingly at the forest.
In Kundalini practice, the student takes on kriyas, a series of exercises designed with an intention on a particular goal. An intention is stated, a mantra is spoken then instilled through meditation. Movement (yoga) deepens the desire placing it firmly in the body. All of the above is repeated daily for 30 days. Done, yeah? Not quite that easy obviously. Actually manifesting compassion requires diligent practice. The tiniest speck of complacency is a setback. But do not worry, fear, or judge yourself. Put your ego aside for a second, take a deep breath and revel in the awareness that you’ve become aware of all of the above. OH, and keep on keepin’ on. You can still walk the walk, yeah?
So briefly, I’ll return to this morning’s insight and explain it revolves around my propensity to wander, something I’ve done for years; longer and in ways I have not previously shared. I’d not looked at this aspect of my journey with non-resistant honesty. Instead, I danced around the pain of certain memories; memories that solicited a deepening of regret and self-loathing. It hurt far too much to deal with the stuff, but not dealing left the negative patterns firmly entrenched and the resulting behaviours replaying like a broken record. Insanity? Indeed. Time to stop talking and get walking.
And I’ll pick this discussion up later. My thought is to more deeply flesh out specific thoughts as I continue to diablog. Yeah, eh? New word. What do ya think of it?
Wishing for friendship with a twist today. You know how patient, forgiving, understanding, and generous we can be with those we love, those friends who might be new or ancient but whose presence we cherish? Let’s today practice all of that with ourselves. Where do we fall short when responding to our own needs? If it were a loved one asking for something, worrying, struggling, in pain, how would we help? Do we treat ourselves the same way, with equal gentleness? There’s more. There’s the judgement, the criticisms, the jealousies. When reacting to a friend with these brutes, we are destroying bits of our own spirits, strengthening the not-so-good aspects of us. So for today, let’s be friends, the capital “F” kind.