Sometimes I feel like a very bad person. I don’t actually know why, I just do. The darkness of guilt resists light and revels in shadowing anything it can. I let the shadows hang around for a lot of reasons, for a lot of years, but am now finding a lot of ways to shine light on those shadows. And each time the shadow goes away, I pat myself on the back. I’m changing an old habit.
Part of my plan this year was to learn to love those shadows. In dispelling them with love, there’s minimal resistance. And it’s my hope they will go – for good. Bit by bit, fewer shadows dragging me down, is something to look forward to certainly. But it’s hard work and I am almost daily reminded of just how hard the work really is.
When I started the re-do I knew I’d be asking some tough questions of myself. I had no idea, but knew without doubt, it would be worth it. There are days when I don’t feel that I’ve accomplished anything and other days when I feel I’ve travelled to the moon and back. I love those days and work to re-create them whenever I can.
Once piece of advice, if I was to give any advice, would be to start the self-discovery journey as early as you can. Habits are easier to change the fewer years you’ve had to develop them. That written, I can honestly say, change is possible no matter where you’re at or how old you are.
Tonight I’m wishing for the courage to take a leap. Whether literal or figurative it matters not. If you’re afraid you cannot, leap anyway. If you don’t think you’ve enough time, leap anyway. If you’re in doubt, leap. Whatever happens you will have tried.