The Crone has been on my mind a lot of late. I’ve already told you she came to mean something to me long before I fit the label which, by the way, I don’t particularly care for. Labels can be something of a death sentence, but they can be helpful, too.
Being a unique kid wasn’t always fun. When explained that my behaviour was likely due to label X and Y, it took a weight off my shoulders. But since I don’t believe anything is permanent, any label given me was only a map of sorts. I used it to get someplace and then, moved on to another map. As for The Crone, that wasn’t a label I wanted, road map or not.
I mentioned in a previous blog about my admiration for a girl in boarding school whose interpersonal relationships were wonderful. I watched her carefully, mimicked her, and over time was able to fake it quite convincingly. Oh sure, there were people I couldn’t fool, and some called me out on my behaviour, but for the most part, I managed, until I met The Crone.
When the Wise Woman enters the picture, you have to give up fakery and ego-driven drama. Oh, I fought her for years determined to stay stuck in my old stories, but eventually because she’s bloody relentless, I gave in to her. Over this year, we have become friends. Bliss.
So, yes, I’ve been resisting her. It was scary applying a definition to myself which included the word wise. It was easier to call myself a crone and laugh about it. But that’s disrespectful, not only to my own life, but to millions of others, too. I’ve learned a lot on my journey and it’s time to put aside false modesty.
Over the coming weeks, I will attempt to sum up what Re-do 365 has taught, and what I see is my new course forward.
I wish tonight for dignity. Not the manner or style kind, but instead the state of being worthy. My first post was a vlog and I spoke of deep feelings of unworthiness. This year has changed me. Self-love was an initial aspiration – a worthy one – but it demands dignity. Further, self-love demands kindness and respect to self. Yes, to self. Not everyone who treats others with kindness is able to extol the same courtesy to themselves. So hey, give yourself the dignified treatment you deserve and the rest will take care of itself. The Crone says so.
Croning on… until tomorrow…