Just shut up…

Lonely girl and a beautiful view
Jernej Gartner

Well, it’s late and I have to tell you the old brain was working today, or more correctly, tonight. Wow, it went to some big places idea wise, places I’ve not visited for a long time. And if truth be told, it wasn’t great dropping in. There’s questions I should’ task, and surely canoodling answer. Well, not tonight, anywho.

Earlier, I drove up the link road to visit a friend. He is patient and kind and allows me to ramble incessantly about all kinds of things. I am so full of myself! Perhaps it’s that I’ve spent so much time alone I don’t know how to be with people anymore. Yeah, that must be it. Nah, I’ve always been like this. I talk way too much! I should shut the fuck up and stick to writing is what I should do. When clicking phrases out on the computer, I craft the sentences, like a piece of art. Not so when I’m shooting my mouth off! No siree, nothing artistic about that.

Wandering through the maze of thoughts I got lost in today was almost scary. Oh, there were a couple moments of brilliant clarity before the fog set in. I should have gone into silence at that point, but no, not I! Talk on you arrogant idiot, talk on!

Talking diffuses the fear I feel when I’m uncomfortable. It is an ego driven enterprise – I think I’ve got a lot to say! Oh, and I don’t know how to have a normal conversation. World domination is my game, one tired and bored subject at a time. It’s a wonder I’ve any friends at all! But hey, wait. I do have some good conversations sometimes. Lately, the topics have been heavy is all. Whose fault is that? Mine. I should be a hermit! But what did I learn from it all? Ugh. I’ve a long way to go is today’s lesson which is fine.

So tonight I’m wishing for relaxation. My mind has been over active lately and even with meditation, I’m not calming the anxious voices who nag regularly. Our thoughts contribute to our inability to relax completely when we’re worrying. Worry is making a plan to do something that you don’t want to do, but because you’re thinking about it all the time, you’ll likely will it into happening. Worrying accomplishes a couple of things – it stifles creativity, and it raises blood pressure. Without access to that creative impulse, a solution won’t pop up as readily. Bit of a paradox. And funnily enough, people tend to recommend relaxation for worry because worry is a stressor. Guess the best thing to do is stop worrying and chillax. Come on. I know you want to!

Until tomorrow…

 

 

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