Oh gosh my lovelies, I’ve broken my vow, let down my guard, failed in my quest. Big, big sigh. Last week I missed a post and while I was prepared to confess that sin on my birthday, because I did not meet my obligation again last night, two missing blogs seemed a wrong to great to let pass. However, where once I’d have chided myself mercilessly for such a faux pas, now I’m perfectly content to own up my negligence and move on with only another sigh.
You might be asking what could possibly have happened to stop me from my writing. Well, the first reason was a bizarre type of stubbornness, perhaps a test of sorts to see how I’d feel if I broke my promise. The second was far less interesting, or maybe far more depending on your point of view. Last night I went visiting a bit of a ways away. As the hours passed I found myself tired and made a conscientious decision to stay put. It was the right thing to do at the time.
I feel guilty for neither missed blog in spite of thinking I would. Une belle surprise! But I’d like to tell you about a few other things tonight. Things that keep repeating and things I’d like to stop repeating.
Many posts lately have discussed the back and forth feelings that keep erupting unsolicited. One night I wrote about a discussion between two characters and found it fun. They chatted about the struggle to stay strong despite fear. That tete a tete was a precursor for what I continue to work on, but I’m not sure I can describe my experiences very well. Suffice it to say, an overwhelming “feeling” that remains dark, scary, and sickening, sweeps over me still and often, and I am determined to figure it out and put it to rights. Period. These apparently random feelings are triggered – of that much I’m certain – by words, thoughts, or memories, but they are not consistent in their comings and goings so it is almost impossible to link them to something specific which means they are almost impossible to dispose of. At least for now, for I most certainly will dispose of them.
One last thought before tonight’s wish. It’s to do with time. I’ve frittered away a lot of mine wandering and dreaming, but mainly procrastinating. To continue wandering is fun. Dreaming is important. Procrastinating on the other hand is stupid. There’s no time like the present.
So I’m wishing for the glorious energy that comes from inspiration and curiousity, neither of which is mutually exclusive. Be inspired and feel enthusiasm pulse through you. Be curious and you will be driven. And while we cannot always find equal amounts of high driving energy, when we do we must capitalize on it. Do not let it go unused. That would be a waste and it’s called procrastination. Not a worthy practice. So, do not wait. Act on the moment. Be like Nike and just do it.