So, today was a great day. Okay, maybe not ‘great’. Let’s say it was good. Well, not ‘good’ exactly. Yeah. Today was…
Do you ever have one of those kind of days when for no apparent reason you just have to lie all day about your feelings, hiding behind a smile and happy platitudes? I did not have one of those days, but did have a day that brought with it the memory of those days. I’m not sure why, actually, but lately a lot of odd memories and icky thoughts are hanging around. It’s as if I’m two people suddenly. The happy me and the miserable me. Of course I much prefer the former.
When working on my degree I learned about binaries – spirit/matter, male/active, and female/passive – theory. It was fascinating to learn about the introduction of these philosophies and how we bought them, believing in those ideas so much that they informed teaching and practice at many levels of society. Gradually, over centuries, the concept that one was strong the other weak, one was good while the other bad, solidified into our very DNA. Prevalent still, this thinking, its language and constructs, remains divisive. Once deconstructed, harmony returns, however. But we need patience. We cannot necessarily change our very DNA with a finger snap.
I’m on about all of this because my mood of late reminds me of the whole right/wrong, black/white thinking. As I continue to peel away layers of unhealthy behaviour, I often have to stop and remind myself of my humanness and that while far from perfect, I’m not a lost soul either. In fact, I’m quite found.
Today was one of those, “I’m up for it!” days. I felt strong and decisive, inspired to blend the discordant into the dulcet tones of creative, luscious, transcendent thoughts. The music as it were, became sweeter with fewer grating tones as the day wore on. While I was encouraged by how I felt I couldn’t help but wonder if the 365 re-do has forced up stuff so deeply embedded that it is fighting like hell to hold on.
There is always a push back. It’s nature’s way. Critical theory refers to this phenomenon as backlash. We see it around us all the time and there are many examples of it throughout history. Sometimes it is quick and covert, other times radical and overt. Sometimes it involves a bit, other times, half the world as in the case of WW11, a backlash by then Hitler’s Germany to the loss of WW1. Anywho, when asking ourselves to take on change, to grow and expand our minds and bodies, we should expect some backlash. The trick is to stay our ground, keep meditating, keep breathing, and trust completely in the knowledge you will weather the storm and be better for it.
So I wish tonight for clear sailing and calm seas. When that backlash comes in whatever way it does in your life, with the gift of soft winds to guide you over smooth water, you can more clearly see how awesome you are. Hold on. Don’t give in to the ugly because when it passes – and it will – you’ll see even more beauty than you ever dreamed imaginable. And it will be inside you. It’s law.