I went out again with Sam to a gig. It was local, so nice and close. The venue was charming and the crowd warm. A small group had come out especially to hear him. I sang, too, and my efforts were applauded. By the way, Sam has recorded me singing Hallelujah. I’m unnerved hearing my voice that up close and personal after all these years. It’s certainly not the pretty and powerful one of long ago, but it’s not “old” either. That’s good. I don’t warble and shake. And I think with a bit of practice, I might grow to like this voice. Maybe not as much as I did that other voice. But this voice isn’t all that bad. It’s what it is now. And that attitude is a good thing. It tells me I’m adapting, shifting, and growing into the skin I’m in.
I suppose that’s the problem we all face as we age. It’s easy to swing back and cling to the stories of our glory days, but that’s not helpful. I hear you saying things like, those days were the best! I’ll never have glory days like those – they are gone. Are they? Well, yes, if that’s what you’re believe. The more I focus on them, however, the less chance I’ll make a glory day right here and right now. If some happening in the past is what I zero in on, then the present will be missed. I cannot give it a chance because I’m too busy thinking about something that is gone. Sad, but we tend to do a lot of that. It’s a good practice to let go of – right now! Too hard? Nah, easy. Start living right now and forget about yesterday.
Of course all of this is a reminder to me. I’m stuck in a funk and my mind is blasting me with negative, belittling, scary stuff. I’m standing by and watching it happen which is a new tactic this year. I am practicing this with some reluctance but still, it seems the most effective. I continue to learn something about myself, and that’s the key – it’s all me. My funk isn’t caused by anyone. It’s me. Period.
Today I heard from a friend who is facing a final good bye. Transitions can suck even when they are for the best. Most of us fear death, but even if we don’t, saying good bye can be hard. Bittersweet. Another reality as we age, yes? But another reason to stay in the present.
So I’m wishing a few things tonight. I wish for the gift of surrender and loving support for all those struggling with heartache. And for those who keep remembering what was, I wish for courage so that they might see instead what is. Let’s try to love right here and right now.