Making a hard decision, and acting on it is, well, hard. Even when it’s the right thing, parts of it can feel wrong. What’s that all about? It might come down to expectations (both others and your own). It may be you don’t believe you can make decisions for yourself without damaging planetary alignment. Or, maybe you’re just too thin skinned. Goodness, I dislike that turn of phrase.
My father told me I was that – thin skinned. He said it would be a good idea to toughen up. He meant well, figuring I’d get hurt, or be easily misunderstood. He was correct on both counts. I resisted toughening up, preferring my empathetic and passionate responses to the stoic ones I saw from the adults around me. I resisted a lot of good advice, actually. I know now that toughening up properly would have brought me better balance, and raised my emotional quotient by several points. I also know what you resist, persists. In order for me to grow into a confident and capable adult, I needed to manage my emotions rather than being slave to them. By the time I figured that out, however, I was deep into adulthood.
Obviously, I’ve learned how to behave accordingly for the most part, but sometimes I slip up by taking on more than I can handle, or making promises I can’t keep. Then I run from confrontation because who likes confronting anyone! Plus I do not like to let people down, even when it’s hurting me. The good thing is, I don’t drag messes out as long as I once did, though, and try to make amends even if poorly. Not always easy.
So wishing everyone lots of self awareness. As we practice our meditation, we deepen our awareness. What becomes clear is how ‘hard’ isn’t where we are meant to be. If we are there, we’ve created it. Are we happy being in that hard place? Do we feel good? If no is the answer, the good news is, we can uncreate it. We can turn the hard to easy. It may take practice but the results will encourage us to keep practicing. And the hard will get easier.
Until tomorrow…
Zigzagging Toward Zen 