Wow, wasn’t I just here? Seems like I was. Yes, I was. Just here. Just. Here. Oh well, hello again!
Following along the vein of last night’s blog posted midday today, I’ve been down, yeah? I’m not going to say depressed because that’s different – very – and I’ve decided I’m not in the throes of anything other than a ‘down’. That’s the truth.
One creepy part of this downy thingy though is that my gut’s demanding a confession. Ugh. So, here’s more truth, I’m a liar. There you have it. I am a liar. I tell lies. I’ve told ‘em, and tell ‘em. I know when I’m doing it. Some have a very long history in the telling, some are mere zygotes, very young indeed.
I don’t like that I tell lies. I try not to. I do it because I want people to think I’m marvellous and special, unique and interesting, worldly and smart. Everyone who reads this will know I’m none of those things now, and wonder what lies I’ve told them. Well, this is not a kiss and tell blog, just a generic coming clean.
What lies I’ve told are of little consequence. My lies have not sent anyone to the gallows, or shattered a reputation. My lies might well have broken a heart, or mislead someone. Mostly, though, my lies hurt me. The make me feel small. I can do that brilliantly without adding a pack of lies to the weight of shame. And sure, I wished I’d done so much more! But I’ve only done what I’ve done. Facing that is hard enough. Lies make it worse.
So here is my pledge, my promise. As at this hour, today January 19, 2016, I’m going to practice catching myself and stop making out that I need to be different than I am. I am good enough, unique and interesting enough. I might not be worldly and smart, but that does not matter. I’m wonderfully, quirky, eccentric ole’ me. Plenty good enough just as I am.
And so I am wishing that very same thing for all of you tonight. Look at yourself in the mirror. Strip to your birthday suit, throw open your arms and shout out, “I. Am. Exquisite!” So what if you think it’s a lie? You will in time make it true if you keep saying it. That’s the law! And making yourself out to be anything but your grand and glorious self is a practice for those delusional enough to think it will bring them the love they seek. Ah ha! You see how it all comes back to love?