So picking up on last night’s message about energy. I’ve been tired a lot, yes. But transformative experiences can bring about fatigue. Those events like a new job, a new home, or morphing into a butterfly, are exciting and although we might well have entered into the adventure willingly, but it’s tiring, nonetheless. Almost anytime we step out of our comfort zone we begin to alter ourselves from the shortest of journeys to the most challenging of moves. When I referred to the fatigue I’m dealing with and being open to answers about why it is lingering, though, I was talking about the internal stuff.
I joked last night about doing things that are naturally exhausting and then complaining about being tired, often saying something ridiculous like, “why am I so tired?” We really need to watch that talk and change it when we can. If we stayed up all night watching movies, of course we’re tired the next day! If we’re working on a project that’s taking a long time to complete, it might be wearing us down. We need to take care of ourselves, watch our patience and take a good hard look at our expectations. If we expect to not feel tired but ask way too much of ourselves, we’re not being very realistic. Again, though, that’s not what I was getting at.
The re-do is about sustainable change, accountability and self-responsibility. It has become more things, too. And, I’m different than I was all those months ago when I started it by leaping into the unknown. Taking ownership and being honest has altered me. I am transforming into a truer and better version of myself. And, it’s tiring. Deeply, unrelentingly, exhausting. That’s the kind of tired I was making reference to. And it’s good.
So, I can get some sleep, slow down, and spend more time on the cushion if I’m pushing myself too hard and need rest. With the process of transformation, unless I want it to stop, I’ve little to say over how long this weariness will plague me. It’s too late. I’m in too far. I don’t want it to stop.
So I suppose that’s the answer for me. I’ll accept whatever I need to if it means all these good changes will keep on happening.
So my wish tonight is for clarity. Sometimes it’s really hard to see what’s in front of us. Other times we keep being reminded but refuse to ‘buy in’. It will hurt to go deep inside, we say. It will hurt to change. Yes. That’s true, but clearly, if you’re seeing the words, reading the stories, noticing the mantras, you are meant to. They’re not for anybody but YOU. Put on your glasses and have another read. Wipe the fog off the mirror and take a good look. Change starts with no on but you. And it can be exhausting, but exhilaratingly so.