Small, smaller, smallest…

SmallFeeling slightly ‘thin skinned’ today. I’m not used to being with people all the time and these last weeks since leaving Canada have been a veritable cornucopia of meet and greets. While wonderful at its core, and an adventure, the whirlwind is taking a toll begging the question, “Could I actually live with someone?”

Over these years of wayward-ness, I’ve become smaller than ever. Okay now, stop laughing. No, I’ve not lost a lot of weight – yet! It’s coming. You doubters will be very surprised when I post my after pics. Anywho, my meaning of ‘smaller’ is that I leave as little trace as possible. I move in a lot of stuff without anyone’s help, sort through it, and organize it if staying. If transient, just about the time I’m organized is when I’m ready to move on.

While under someone else’s roof, I stay hidden for the most part, clean up after myself, and breathe quietly. Maybe not the best way to come fully into “me”. Anyone planning on pulling up stakes like I have would likely act similarly. It depends on your funds, mostly. If you’re loaded, you can disregard everything I’ve written about small because it doesn’t apply to you. With oodles of cash you can get suitable accommodation that suits your needs without relying on the kindness – or couches – of friends or acquaintances. Still it’s all a learning experience and I’ve learned so far that I’m not myself around others.

I wonder why that is? I grew up like most of you in a pretty normal home. I think I fit in okay, if memory serves. Later, when I moved out, I lived on my own for few years but went to school or work and entertained. Then I got married. We had dinner parties and the like. I had kids and attended lots of functions involving lots of people. I survived. When did I start to become so small?

I guess it doesn’t really matter when, just that if it’s not working for me, I best think of becoming larger. Not sure how that looks right now because I’m just getting used to what it means to be small. I’ll figure it out though. And of course, write about it here as it unfolds.

My wish tonight is for space. We don’t often give each other much of it, in actual fact. We tend to get pretty much up in people’s faces when they aren’t doing what we think they should. There are lots of scenarios we can surely think of where we pressured someone to do what we wanted with little regard for what they wanted. We know best! But do we, really? Not likely. It’s just that we’re afraid if we give someone their space, they might challenge us. Heavens! Worse, will they do something we don’t want them to? Even worse, what if they leave us? Preventing another their space is really about us. We’re afraid. Think about it and try to relax the hold. Before you know it you may end up with more space than you know what to do with. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Until tomorrow…


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