Earlier today I had a glimmer of an idea for this post tonight. Of course, thinking I’d remember, I did not take note so now there’s no thoughts at all wondering around in my grey stuff. Not that it matters…hehe…because something usually shows up once I start writing.
It’s been 234 days since this exercise began. And like all exercise, if there’s no pain, there’s no gain. I’ve seen a lot of gain implying there’s been lots of pain which, there has been. Thing is, I had little trepidation when I began this because I knew I would come out the other end better. I knew I’d have to let go, and shift up my game. And indeed, that seems true in every way at this point.
Oh sure, there’s days when all the emotion overwhelms me and my focus is gone. Those days, hours, or just moments, are uncomfortable but they are losing intensity. And when they come, they dissipate more rapidly. There’s some gain right there. I think it’s because of the reward – the reward of feeling good.
Humans have evolved to the high end of the cognition spectrum, but the simplistic reward stimulus for learning is still effective. We like to feel good, generally. But that can backfire on us and we end up hurting ourselves. We get tricked into believing something is good for us when it is anything but. Hmm. Maybe we’re not as evolved as we’d like to believe, eh? Anywho, when we realize we have to stop doing something that once felt so good, well, we know breaking up with patterns is hard to do. Mr. Sedaka sang the truth.
But I’m going to testify, shout from the mountain top, that change IS possible. Patterns can be broken no matter our age, or stage. Persistence is the key, along with an honest attempt to recognize the reward when it comes which, means letting go of the drama, for starters.
Getting the mind to see in new ways is worth every effort. Listening to your language, the words you continually us, is critical. Listen to how many times a day you say “but” as a limiting condition. Pay attention to how many sentences express concern about a future event you’ve no control over. Hear how often you say something is likely to go wrong, or that you cannot do something because of… Let go.
The above is not pie-in-the-sky. I am practicing listening and know the difference in my own heart, and in my head. Like you, I see tragedy, sorrow, pain, horrors, and misery. And I feel, as a result, all the flourishes of panic, anguish, and fear. But, by switching my attitude to an awareness of the wonder and joy of all life, peace replaces the unease. That is my reward. I am not turning a blind eye. Instead, I am opening my heart to life and love in ways I never dreamed possible. My attitude does not have to focus on ugly to know it’s there.
And I want to write about it all now. I’ve fallen in love with writing again, and am enjoying immensely the practice of paying attention to words, and charming phrases. Spending my days wrapped in words sounds like heaven to me.
My wish tonight is that you can live your passion and love what you do. It’s probably not possible to place every mundane act into that package, but attitude can help make even the least pleasant activity, better. And if those boring things get you closer to, or find you more hours for doing what you love, then jump into the mess with your whole self and enjoy the swim.