I’d really like to write something super funny tonight. Stuff for ‘L’ was picked up today. That’s a day early if you’re keeping a tally, but it’s not funny. Nice. Fortuitous. Sweet and so on, but nothing really funny about it.
Okay, the Jeopardy theme has started… I’mmm waaiiitinng…
Nothing. So I’ll just write.
Lately I’m getting up on the right side of the bed. And yes, I go sleep on the right side of the bed and get up on the right side literally so let’s go with figurative mode for this. Anywho, I’ve been holding off writing about this phenomenon to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. Since it seems to be sticking and in fact, getting better, now’s as good as time as any to talk about it
It might come as a surprise to you that I struggle to rise. Grendel’s mother inhabits my brain and is pretty damn chatty first thing in the morning. Now, meditation can shut her up, but I have to hear her for a bit because she mouths off before my eyes are open. Her energy makes me feel shitty off the bat.
Rewiring a brain isn’t easy. Our natural default is to respond with what we know. Sound familiar? Of course, many of those responses are good, but, what about the ones that aren’t?
Part of a depressive’s brain is highly dysfunctional. True, probably the majority of us have a degree of grey matter misfiring on occasion, but the depressed brain is busier than others painting lots of bleak pictures. What appears sunny to one, seems cloudy to the clinically depressed. Over time, those clouds become the norm, the default. Eradicating the gloom is not easy. Reprogramming is key.
So it is that every morning (afternoon, or night) when Grendel’s old mum gets going, instead of succumbing to her luring, I engage her. Sounds strange, but it’s working well. I decided to set my sights on resolving our contentious relationship by any method and talking to her seemed as good a plan as any. It was a different approach so would require some readjusting. Let the rewiring begin, I thought.
Many blogs ago, I touched on the importance of questions; asking questions make and issue easier to address. I’d put this idea into practice for a couple of other things and saw results. So, when “she” oozed up and tried to drag me down into her ugly, I started asking the old destroyer who she thought she was, what she wanted with me, and why she wanted to drown me, for starters. Lo and behold, the yucky feelings started to dissolve. After many months, I feel she’s losing power over me. I’ve lost my allure.
Surely, it might seem I’m oversimplifying a profound and lengthy process in a few sentences. But the message I’m trying to convey is this: keep trying. You never know what might happen when you do.
My wish tonight is that we be graced with the energy needed to persevere. We’ve all something we need help with. Sometimes we can replenish with a walk in nature, other times we need to release our inner yogi and stretch. Still other times, we need the help of a group. Whatever it is for you, here’s to finding all that glorious fuel so you can carry on.