No. It’s not supposed to.
Okay, can I get it right? Yes, that’s the good news. The bad news is then I will move on because new messages, or challenges will present themselves. Arrgh!
Here’s what’s bugging me. Other folks’ behaviour BUT that just means I’m missing something. It’s not about them. If I get upset about something, or someone as is the case, it’s my issue. Not theirs. Hard lessons, though, damn hard.
OH, and if you’re asking what brought this on, a big beef is that I’m really unhappy with my writing these days. The sentence structure in my book is sloppy, the expression juvenile and trivial. I’m disappointed in myself so everything else balloons. Not to worry, though. All’s well, really. This is just a wobble. I’ll get my groove back. I just need to work harder and that’s perfectly fine. I’m up for it. Okay, now back to the other crap.
There’s probably two things that are getting under my skin with a degree of consistency. One is forgetting to acknowledge when help is given. (I kind of wish we had award ceremonies for the little things.) Thanking people is a holy practice. There are folks in our lives that go WAY out of their way to help us. Not acknowledging their efforts in a fair and public manner is hurtful. Period. And by the way, we don’t have to like them, but we do have to thank them. Without their assistance, or mere presence, we’d not have done whatever it is we are on about having done.
I’m learning this lesson gradually finding it cuts both ways. I’m a lone wolf, no question about it, but there are SO MANY people who have reached deep to help me. When looking at my life from this perspective, I’ve blessings too numerous to count. My life is beyond awesome, chockablock with helping hands. So it is with a large dollop of respectful humility that I say “thank you” to a list in my head that’s getting longer by the second. I think I’ll write their names down and keep them close.
The second and last issue today is finding fault, which is ugly enough, but there’s an addendum to this; finding fault with everything and going a step further to shut down another voice when it speaks out with a strong opinion. Annoying!
With both these things, I’ve a chance to act more kindly and extend more compassion to myself and others. As soon as I’m perfect, I can judge. Until that time, I’m called to get off my high horse, and serve the best way I can. That’s what’s fun about this blog and the re-do. I can write, putting out there, stuff that I’m trying to be. I do want to be the person who is openly grateful, publicly thankful, and who acts kindly toward others. I want to be able to disengage from toxicity but still send love to the situation. Obviously, I’ve a long way to go, but accepting my flaws is a compassionate move, too. I’m trying.
My wish tonight is a personal one. I wish to be a better writer. I’ve a cornucopia of storyscapes inside me, words and thoughts, all wanting to spill out on the figurative paper. The long held self-criticisms are fine as long as they spur me on to work smarter, write more constructively, and simply keep going in spite of it all.