“If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make a change.” Man in the Mirror, Michael Jackson.
We all get it, don’t we? I’m sure we do, but change is hard. Not at all impossible, but hard.
Remember a few blogs ago, I was ranting about feeling split a part because I wasn’t matching my insides with my outsides? Worse, I was thinking crap stuff like, woe is me. I’m a loser. Imagine! But I’m coming to grips with what was, and still is, my desire to avoid the light.
Now, I don’t mean centre stage kind of light because anyone who knows me, knows I can “act” and am not afraid of that. No, what I’m talking about is the light one shines from inside when they are super confident, happy, and content in their own skin.
I still find myself looking at everyone else’s accomplishments and kicking my ass. I swim in self-recrimination. Interesting fact: I know all too well how old I am now and there are lots of people who figure I’m washed up, including myself by times. But oddly, I’ve always felt there wasn’t enough time. I’ve also always felt that I couldn’t do it, make it, and that I didn’t matter. Always, for as long as I can remember. AND, I’ve felt the opposite of it all, too! It’s truly like living with two people. One who believes she’s invincible, the other who sees no point. And, have no doubt, their incessant debating is bloody exhausting.
But I am determined to shine. I’m not quite sure at this moment what that looks like for me, or what I’ll need to do to make it so. One thing is certain, I’ll be paying much closer attention to my voice and the words I use. When Eeyore wants to mumble his gloomy rhetoric, I’ll pat his head and ask Pooh to speak, instead. As for those two going at it inside my head? I’ll listen in and see what I can learn.
My wish is for tolerant forgiveness. We expect a lot of ourselves but often, we expect too much of others. It is quite easy to forget we are all humans trying to be. I struggle to change habits. It’s a slow and gradual process but it does happen. So I am reminded to tolerate others, extend a more compassionate hand and attitude because, after all, I’m as perfectly imperfect as everyone else.
P.S. I’ve not tossed the idea of book excerpts. There are more to come.