On this night of the eclipse, we’ve a clear sky so good viewing is highly probable. In fact, I think I can hear all the astronomers shouting excitedly from the observatory down the road. I’ve never seen a blood moon myself, so am looking forward to it, too. The prime time will be 10:47 PM. That’s the good bit. The less than good bit is how I’m feeling lately.
This week I’ve been steadily overrun with doubts and fears. Don’t ask me how or why, I just woke up one morning and there they were. It’s as if I inhale junky feelings while asleep. More accurately, it’s that I breathe in someone else’s junky feelings. That’s exactly what’s it like to be me. All’s well and then, finger-snap, I’m filled with worry, while grasping frantically for the good energy and positive feelings that are disappearing. I’ve described it as a veil, but you can imagine it, too, as mist rolling in across a field. One minute the sun is shining and then, fog.
I’m learning that it is not conscious. At least, not all the time. You can argue with me about that statement, but there’s no point. I’ve lived like this long enough to know when I’m feeling the energy of others. That’s it. And sometimes it is not fun in any way, shape, or form. The worst part about it is that there are residual effects, meaning it can take me a while to get my groove back. But hey, this is the life of a sensitive. And today was especially difficult for me.
If you’re thinking this messiness has something to do with my move, you’d be spot on. Of course, I’m envisioning this whole transition running smoothly, and much of it has. This week posed problematic for my UK girl, though, who was unable to figure out a few things with all my goods arriving. I did my best on my end to make things simple, but I’m not there to lend a hand. She is more than apt, but had a lot on her plate. Hence, I started to pick up on her concerns. The next thing I know, her wobble adds fuel to my doubts and…whoosh!
Here comes another lesson, and there goes another block.
I’ve written repeatedly that I’m a pretty solitary person. Working with others isn’t a skill; trusting others is not a strength. As a result, I’ve played well, the part of the woman who could do it all. Because I’ve been on my own for decades now, and because I’ve manifested money and assistance when wanted, I appear to be quite an accomplished manager. Part of that is true, but solo has its limits. I’ll be able to do so much more with the help and cooperation of others. But, I don’t know that me, yet! I’m still washing off the traces of the masks I’ve worn for most of my life. It will take me a while to recognize my new face.
So part of this week, and the extraordinary emotional upheaval felt today, allows me to expand further, or contract. I could pull back and not move, or I could forge ahead. In this moment, I’m leaning on the latter choice. Oh, and the fog seems to be lifting.
My wish is that we mindfully reach out to help. No excuses. No agendas. No expectations or attachments to outcomes. While it would be glorious to deliver world peace, or feed all those who are hungry, sitting still and complaining about how others are not helping means we are part of the problem. Reaching out is easy. Send love and light to all of those who can influence the big decisions, and then recognize the stranger standing beside you could use a smile. It starts there.
Needing a hug in the light of the moon…until tomorrow.