Okay, I want to address a couple of things tonight. I’ve danced around these subjects and will continue to, I’m sure. Tonight, though, I need to zero in on a biggie and hope that by writing about it, I’ll gain insight. That’s been one of the beautiful side-effects of this re-do. Insight. And so, without further adieu…
At this stage of life I can safely say there’s only one thing holding me back, or down, or hostage. Money. Okay, of course it, or more accurately the lack of it, is high on the list for almost everybody on the planet, yeah? We never have enough, and can be heard saying repeatedly, it’s too expensive, I can’t afford that. My dad used to say, “Money doesn’t buy everything, but you can’t buy anything without it.” That’s true. If I want to sleep at the Ritz, I’d have to pay up.
But there’s more to what money offers than the ability to buy stuff. Stop it. Yes, there is! Having money means you’ve options. You are able to move around more easily, whether by public transit or car, you’ve freedom to come and go without reliance on someone else. Even if you’re not collecting more toys, having money means you can buy healthier food, stay out of a debt, take better care of your health, and best of all, help someone else without putting your security in jeopardy. But there’s responsibilities attached to cash.
My folks, from what I can remember, had a good idea of how to make money and how to spend it. As a family, we lived a comfortable middle class lifestyle. When little, I had no problem saving my allowance for special purchases. And I remember being frugal, but admirably philanthropic. In other words, I didn’t seem to spend much but was generous. Everything was done for the love of it. Using an excuse like, no money, wasn’t my modus operandi. I liked that person. But she wandered away and the person who replaced her was…wait, I’m still the same person. She didn’t wander away at all. So what the hell happened? When did I start speaking the language of lack and worse yet, when did I start believing it?
I don’t have an answer – not yet. An idea was percolating earlier but then stopped bubbling. What I do not want to do is list all my shouldahs. We’ve all got regrets. What I need to do is find out what I’m doing – because I keep putting myself in the same spot – and then figure out what to do to vanquish the habit I’m perpetuating.
Somebody close to me recently said I’d always been able to manifest money. I’ve been thinking about that and for the most part, agree. So, if that’s true, what am I doing to self-sabotage? I believe the answer rests firmly in the law governing energy, the principles of the law of attraction, and my resistance.
I can’t write anymore on this tonight. As I wrote at the start, the topic is a biggie for me and my mind is like a whirlpool at the moment. But I’ll come back to it. I have to. I’m terrified but have learned that by confronting fear with a desire to be a better me, a better me will result.
So I wish tonight for the grace to face the truth of a situation. It seems an easy thing, but it isn’t. For example, as hard as it for me to accept, I’ll never be Barbra Streisand. Being the best me I could be, would have been the better choice, the higher road. So I’ll ask that I be the best me I can be, today. And if I have to make hard changes to straighten out my finances, then that is my intention.