My last two blogs had missing bits, as in there were incomplete thoughts throughout. I’ve mentioned that I neither proof my posts, nor re-read them after the fact. The latter’s a bit of a fib. I revisit if I can’t figure out what a commenter is talking about. As it happens, often, someone’s seen a picture I had no idea I painted. If I’m to understand their comment, I have to re-read the post being commented on, and in doing so, end up happily surprised or gobsmacked when I suddenly see my idea through their eyes. Unique points of view. Lovely, isn’t it?
The whole viewpoint thing, the theme of yesterday’s post, is simple enough, but I want to expand on it because the lessons I’m learning become solid when I write them out. And I am learning through this re-do. Each day, it’s less up hill. I see the results. No, I FEEL the results. And, my friends, that’s what it’s all about. The ethos of a personal re-do is subjective, yet ultimately, a person aspires to enhance and enrich their good bits. Gradually, the weeds are choked out. (Using gardening parlance seemed super appropriate.) If something isn’t serving you, get rid of it.
This unplanned adventure – re-do 365 – began on a whim. Results would probably have been more profound had I done up a strategic plan with a few desired outcomes listed. Better, more strategic cataloguing of things like my weight, diet, work-out routines and so on, would have enhanced the overall end result if not the day to day experience, too. But, creating outlines and following plans gets in the way of my much loved spontaneity, so not strengths. With another six months to go, however, there might be merit in developing a format with charts. I’ll see. Still, at the 50,000 foot level, I stayed the course. I promised accountability and truth. Some of my revelations have been difficult to own up to, but I did it because I needed to do it for me. I needed to get real, face demons, fess up. I’ve had to stretch way beyond the mat. Best of all, I’ve had to breathe into my writing muscles.
Every day now, I try to choose positive results to issues. This is new. I’m not running. Every day my language is changing, too, or I’m more aware of the language I’m using for sure. I’m still pulling some persistent weeds, but I notice blocks continue to fall away. I realize with joy that new habits are taking root. I trust they will choke out the weeds over time. And, as I wrote above, it’s all less up hill.
My question tonight is, how do I convey this experience so that it makes sense? My experience is mine, true, but I’ve found a hope I didn’t know existed. Parts of me feel brand new. I feel well, strong, and full of potential. But I am ordinary, scarred, and little; because I am flawed, sometimes ridiculous, and often out of step, do I matter in the grand scheme? Does my point of view matter at all?
Of course I matter. And, of course, my perspective matters. But only to me. It’s me in the mirror. The nudge that comes again and again reminds me that I can only change my head, my heart, my reactions and responses. Do I have a purpose? Yes. Am I living my potential? No. What should I do about that? Listen to my gut, pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on trying to live! What I write here or anywhere, the stories I tell, the ideas I convey, are as they are. MY stories. Do they matter? Yes. To me.
Wishing you the courage to change your mind. Over these weeks and months, I’ve worked faithfully at changing my inner dialogue – the way I talk to myself about myself. As a result, I’ve changed my mind about me. It’s a work in progress, but I feel so much better. I’ll wager with ya’ll right now. Change your mind about something that pisses you off, frustrates, or upsets you. Can you do it? Sure you can! Change your mind. It might just bring a whole new perspective into focus.