Well, it’s a couple of days into this new name thingy, and I’m feeling the love. After Friday night’s fun and frivolity, doubt crept in as an aftermath. That’s well gone now. Hurray! Now that it’s official, I feel lighter so let’s move on, shall we?
It’s closing in on three months of this re-do and shit, I haven’t a clue if I’ve anything to show for it. And right there, you see, I’ve already blown the proselytizing of these last months by zeroing in on the “not”. Not helpful. At all. Let’s look for some good stuff, yeah?
Voila, numero uno! Looking for silver linings to change up a negative view is something I’m doing with greater regularity now.
Before starting this blogging, honesty wasn’t a forte. Coming clean is becoming easier, and I’m pleasantly surprised at how remarkably healing it is. I’d recommend it! Right, I’m pretty sure I have, but am reinforcing it. It’s freeing. Accountability and its sister authenticity were cornerstones of this re-do. Working them actually seems to work!
Now trust me, I’ve more indiscretions – many – that need to see the light of day, but gradually, by illuminating the stories of my past, blocks are dissolving. A lovely and highly desired side-effect indeed. Looking current self-destructive behaviours in the eye means facing long held fears, but the looking lessens their choke hold. I sincerely want to replace fear and misunderstanding with love, forgiveness, and understanding, and so I find myself moving into the light with fewer burdens.
Wow, good stuff abounds! But… yes, there has to be a “but”. Sigh.
There’s two things frustrating me. One is that I’ve not been taking enough pictures. Two is aligned. I’m making excuses and feeling floppy so am afraid to take pictures. Vanity and a degree of ineptitude, too.
I’m making excuses.
I’ve mentioned already personal struggles with body image. I was too fat, not able to pull off a look, not pretty enough, smart enough, coordinated enough and on and on. Stupid? Perhaps, but I’m still, at this ripe age, there. Okay. Next steps then.
The progress I’m making with blocks and mental talk is wonderful. I’ll focus more specifically on these last and more aggressive negatives. They’re deeply rooted, but I CAN love them into the light. I’ll get on the mat, and take some photos. I want to be able to chart my progress, after all!
Lastly, for the record, I want you share my feeling about the blog. It is a commitment. As you know, I’ve stayed with it but writing daily is eye-opening, not to mention, challenging. Calling oneself a writer is a big deal. Since beginning this project, I’ve discovered there are many far better than I. That there are good, even stellar, wordsmiths around, isn’t stopping me now as it once did, however. Oh no. On the contrary, they motivate me to keep looking for new and creative ways to craft my thoughts into grammatically sound sentences. In other words, I learn, am learning, want to learn, and will continue to learn. (High-fiving the air.)
My wish tonight is for creativity. For me, Muse is that. Muse graces me with more constancy now because I make space – a cherished, nurtured spot – for Muse to enjoy. Whatever is your “muse”, be certain to tenderly and carefully make room for it and it will, in turn, bring you abundant creative energy.
Peace to you. Until tomorrow…